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The poem above illustrates three themes: the mother-bond, education
as a climate for the growth experience, and God-reliance that
encapsulate the study as the women story their success development.
It also points out the self-behaviors that emerged during the
inquiry.
The findings of each portrait are studied through the lenses of
the other two portraits, bringing contextual detail and emotion
to the fore as salient themes emerge. "[Like] the overlaying
of one transparency on another, this method highlights both the
uniqueness and the commonality of the participants' experiences"
(West & Oldfather, 1995, p. 453).
Eisner (1997a, p. 262) brought a cogent concept to my attention
regarding the value of making comparisons. "It is by virtue
of contrast, contrast that is more ideational than universal,
that one notices and understands the other."
In the text to follow, the tables, the free verse poems, and the
playlet display the specific exemplar quotes which reflect each
of the five dimensions under review: mother support, education,
God-reliance, identity development, and the distillation of success.
The Awesome Mother
Most of the stories discussed here are told in a positive light.
The negative side, though implicitly extant, is rarely verbalized.
Nowhere is this more clearly demonstrated than in this section.
Almost any discussion about their mothers unveils a dichotomy,
the witch/goddess. The witch/goddess domain is marked by vivid
understatements. At the first interview Eboni used well-crafted
cover stories to emphasize an idealized picture of her mother.
Jade gilds her mother-goddess by omission. Silver uses conciliatory
explanations. Eboni's representative reminder, that it is difficult
to speak about one's mother without respect (June 97), contextualizes
this analysis as we consider the mothers' roles in Table 1. Miles
and Huberman (1984) made a strong case for creating data displays
to help analyze the data. These displays shown here "allow
for a more refined analysis and can lead to new displays and analyses"
as we "eyeball" the data (p. 82).
The five storied roles of the mother are listed in Table I as
the women-as-daughters described them. Jade, who storied the almost-perfect
mother guided us through this display.
Jade and Silver are unequivocal in their description of the positive
effect of nurturing mothers. They story a nurturing climate in
which they learn and thrive. Jade
stories an intense mother-daughter bond, exclusive to the outside
world. "We had our
THEME | JADE | EBONI | SILVER |
Mother as nurturer | When I was small, it was just the two of us. We did everything together (89) | After the beatings, my face tear-stained, she packed my breakfast and we took the bus (97). | I always came back to the solid touch of her upstretched palms (89) |
Mother to the rescue | I didn't want to live in the residence hall in college. She moved house to the university town (89) | You're better off going to the school at church. There are other Black children going there (89) | All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. My mother was there. She had my gym clothes (89) |
Mother as teacher | She is an example to me that I could do whatever I set my mind to do (97) | She teaches me to cook-the West Indian dishes (89) | Always remember, it's not just you that people are seeing; it's everybody that is Black (97) |
Mother as motivator | She's always pushing me to do good in school. Get A's (89) | Look in the mirror, see how ugly you are (97) | I don't want you to ever work hard like I did (97) |
Mother as therapist | Wen yuh han' in de tiga mout', rub he head (97). | He won't be marching down the aisle. You will (97). | |
Mother as mirror image | I am my mother's daughter (97) | Becoming like my mother is my greatest fear (97) | We're becoming just like them (97) |
Gilding the pink hibiscus | [By omission or implicit comparison] | I covered up what she really was like. My mother has a hard time controlling her awful temper (97) | In my family, when you do something, you pay the consequences to the fullest. You don't get any special treatment (97) |
own little world," she recalls. Shades of matrophobia undergird
Silver's story that she shares with Eboni and me. Neither Silver
nor Jade mention a separation theme. Both Jade and Silver refer
to the unschooled brilliance of their mothers. They story the
motivating power of mothers who wanted more for their daughters
than they had for themselves. While maternal motivation had little
to do with the practix of education, it did much to facilitate
the achievement of their educational goals. Both families changed
locations to attain the college education the mothers insisted
upon. The women voice instances of affirmation and adulation,
which shaped the development of their will and moved them toward
positive self-esteem.
Eboni, in contrast, found that the need for more basic physiological
needssafety and securitytriggered her move away from
her mother's clutches. She actively sought and found womenothermotherswho
fit her description of the archetypical Good mother'. Despite
it all, Eboni is resigned to the duty-centered reality of caring
for her biological mother when she gets older. "I know I'll
have to take care of her. My brothers aren't gonna do it."
School: The Watershed for Success
In the attempt to discover regularities in their life histories,
the young women's school stories are analyzed chronologically,
from elementary school through high school to collegeas
mediated through school stories. Teasing out the storied threads
of the narratives, I noticed that two paradoxical themes, enlightenment
and betrayal, were enmeshed in the narratives.
These storied threads, however, are almost invisible in their
high-school accounts. For these women, the focus is on developing
a personal support network, and a repertoire of success illuminates
the high-school stories. In their college stories, a third themethe
will to succeedemerges as it is mediated through resilience
and self-regulation core constructs.
Elementary School Stories: Refuge or Battlefield?
Unlike what is written about in the literature of majority
identity awareness (Phinney, 1989), ethnic identity development
is a palpable piece of all their elementary school accountsfrom
the moment of awareness of a visible difference to their strategies
for dealing with the public's understanding of this difference.
For all three women, elementary school was the place of their
first encounter with themselves as other. Spending their formative
pre-school years among members of their primary reference groupin
family and church settingsthe women all recall that they
had no need to identity themselves as different until they enrolled
in school and encountered an initially hostile environment.
The women story three childhood affects of the school experience:
excitement, hostility, betrayal. For Silver school began as a
place of excitement. Her response to her peers' reaction to her
difference led to anger, which she expressed in an aggressively
volatile fashion, much to her mother's and brother's dismay. Jade
encountered both enlightenment and betrayal in her early school
experience. In the Caribbean elementary school, which she described
as "kinda like of refuge," she delighted in the peace
and order. Moving to Canada, she encountered derogatory name calling
in response to her ethnic difference. She learned rather quickly
how to retaliate. In her story, the school authorities betrayed
her, "They put [me] back a grade," she recalls, a process
fairly typical of the immigration experience (Anderson, 1993).
Both Silver and Eboni story a sense of pride in their academic
promise during their elementary school years. Silver was chosen
to make her grade 8 graduation speech. Eboni, who was supposed
to be valedictorian, had that position affirmed only by the youth
given that commendation. Betrayed by her teacher's miscalculations,
she learned another lessonself-reliance. "What was
I to do? No one else was going to defend me? What was I supposed
to do? I didn't want to embarrass my mother. I didn't want to
embarrass myself."
There is no indication that any of the three felt the need to
withdraw from school. The reason for this may be embedded in Silver's
comment: "If I said I was quitting, that would be the fight
of the century right there."
Their High School Stories: Promise
Moving to a boarding high school was, from Eboni's viewpoint,
the beginning of her success. She found the environment as warm,
nurturing, and wonderfully therapeutic as the greenhouse in which
she was employed one summer.
Silver came into her own as a student leader from that point,
with "accolades and affirmation falling on her like water
from the sky." Her stories recount a development of the promise
of public speaking which began in elementary school. They also
show that the sense of responsibility developed at her mother's
knee was heightened during that time.
Though she mentions two special trips that highlighted her high-school
career, Jade did not find her secondary school experience quite
as comfortable. She stories her recollections as being imbued
with the need to survive the hormonal angst of her teenage years.
The seeds for working with women and children in developing countriesher
present ambitionwere sown on a high-school choir trip. She
indicates that this was a critical moment in her adolescent experience.
College Stories: Passion and Privilege
All college stories are also told in a positive light. Silver,
who is the only one who references a struggle with finances in
that milieu, stories further development of her leadership skills
and sense of responsibility in her college years. Her memories
of college now bring her delight.
Jade stories the fulfillment of a dream through her college experience
abroad. "Going to school in Europe. The only thing I really
did want to do." Eboni's college stories also indicate the
fulfillment of a dreamto become a legal assistant. A dream
that would not be constrained despite two pregnanciesone
following the other almost immediatelyas she tried to complete
the requirements for her diploma. She has fond memories of how
accommodating the school system was when they discovered that
she was one credit shy of the graduation requirements, allowing
her to march at the graduation ceremony and mailing out her diploma
some time later.
Evidence of connectedness between teachers and students echoes
in their discourse, illuminating the picture of the nurturing
climate. Often the student-teacher or student-supervisor relationship
moved into the deeper bonds of mentoring. Silver stories a teacher
who still calls her to make sure that her law school applications
are on track. Jade recalls a work supervisor who continues to
be an integral part of her support network long after she graduated
from college. Eboni uncovers the story of a woman who, answering
her unspoken child-like need to be mothered, tucked the high-school
student into her dormitory bed each night she was on duty.
Rarely, or so their stories record it, were they exposed to a
hostile environment with tracks intent on marginalization; nor
were they forced onto limiting career tracks. In the school stories
these women shared and the follow-up communication they transmitted,
it appears clear that school was not essential because of the
stated curriculum. What was essentially important to each woman
was the climate of affirmation, nurturing, and opportunity from
which their separate passions developed.
In one of her later E-mail messages in this study, Eboni gives
a retrospective evaluation of her school experience, having graduated
from college almost 5 years earlier. Her words reflect an appreciation
for a learning climate where empowering freedom of choice pervaded
the scene.
I learned that I was created to be an individual not a clone.
I am free to do whatever I want and make whatever choices I want.
I will have to answer for each of these choices. I am loved by
many. I am loved by God. I am loved by ME.
Table 2 highlights the growth these women made in appreciative
learning cultures where attendant personnel focused on accentuating
successes, creating a spirit of inquiry, and developing the competencies
in which each woman displayed some skill.
Silver, whose academic success is the most storied, guides us
through the display with core constructs embedded in the title
of her graduation address: "Passion, Peace and Providence."
Promise is analyzed in the place of Providence.
THEME | SILVER | EBONI | JADE |
PROMISE: Establishing a history of successes |
Graduation speeches in grade 8, 12, and college president, year- book editor, graduating with honors in college |
I had the freedom to make my own choices Legal assistant diploma during two pregnancies |
Mr P. in Physics class, She's right. She's exactly right. The one time I got something right in physics class! |
PEACE Vistas of possibility |
Leadership experience |
The greenhouse. I just loved being there. So relaxed. So therapeutic! I watched them and learned from them. |
Travel taught me things no book, teacher, or course could ever teach me. |
PASSION: Vistas for travel or finding a place |
My destination in life is to be a lawyer Band tours |
Choir tours | The thing that catapulted my first learning experience was a trip I took with the choir to Mexico City. |
There is also a representation of intentional opportunities to broaden the vistas of possibilities as was often done with the choir and band tours in high school and field trips in college. These opportunities for travel also broadened their worldview and heightened their sense of responsibility and service.
God-Reliance
God-reliance is a critical element in the women's stories.
Silver's mantra, "Everything happens for a reason,"
epitomizes the mind-set from which they process the vicissitudes
of life. This attitude of mind is the pivot from which they operate
their world and may supercede Bateson's (1989) model of practicing
improvisations. Jade's belief that a closed door is her God's
signal that a better plan is available sheds light on their frame
of reference.
Prayer and their mothers' modeling strengthen their God-reliance.
All three women make explicit reference to their prayer relationship
with their God. They see prayer as the link between themselves
and God. It is, it appears, the active ingredient for building
their close relationship with their Creator. Their prayers, as
they describe them, are not formal. Silver's prayers are uniquely
conversational. "What's up, God? Give me a little hint."
Jade illustrates her prayer with a poem. "Use me, Master,
in your vineyard."
Eboni makes reference to her prayer life but omits any reference
to the content of her actual prayers. When she stories a conversation
she had with a woman in her community who begged her to pray daily,
she reveals: "She didn't know it, but I pray every day."
The modern liturgy below is shaped from a composite of their own
words.
The support of their God and their family and friends is reflected
in the women's mind-set as they encounter obstacles. The dominant
motif in these stories as the women explicate on their measure
of success is what Borysenko (1996) labels the feminine triad:
love, serenity, and service. As the women portray it, serenity
is more than a sense of calm, it is an internalized peace of mind
and acceptance of self.
The data displayed in Table 3 are guided by Eboni's conscious
reliance on the intentionality of her Heavenly Father.
THEME | EBONI | SILVER | JADE |
Biblical texts to live by | Proverbs 31 is my wish list | "But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Josh 24:5). | |
God-support & comfort |
He's given me His love so that no matter what happens I will never be alone. I know I say this all the time. But the way things have happened is nothing short of God's blessing. I am a creation of God made uniquely in His image |
Everything happens for a reason. | |
Prayers: The God interaction | She doesn't know it, but I pray every day | What's going on? Give me a little hint. I'm not asking for the whole plan. Just a week or a day would be good. | I prayed that God would protect me especially since I was traveling by myself. (I must be honest, I thought it was quite a presumptuous prayer since I was the one who decided to travel on my own.) |
Ethnic Identity Development
Ethnic identity awareness is a thread which runs through all
the women's stories.
Themes of ethnic identity development emerged as early in the
interview process as it did in their lifestories. Silver and Jade
spoke of it within the first 10 minutes of the 1989 interview.
Eboni never spoke about her Blackness in 1989 though she did acknowledge
her visible difference and its potential for hindering her dreams.
In 1997, she appears to have come to terms with it. In her litany
of talents we hear bicultural ism in her style of cooking and
in the plants she chooses for her garden. In her horticultural
style there is the flavor of quintessential differences. For her
fantasy garden, which she hopes to realize in the next 10 years,
she plans oats for the hoped-for horses, corn for the new-fangled
heating system, and a greenhouse with mangoes for her tropical
self.
Of the three women, Silver is the only one who speaks openly,
and proudly, of her Blackness. She discusses it in terms of responsibility
and of maturity. Jade has accessorized her color to an exotic
descriptiona café au lait woman of color. Eboni,
who never spoke about it during the original 1989 interview, now
casually weaves it into much of her conversation. All three were
made aware of their visible difference in elementary school settings.
Table 4 displays quite graphically that all three women are at
different stages of identity development. It is Silver's voice
that shaped the analysis. The two factors they
have in common, however, are the painful encounters experienced
in elementary school; and a growing appreciation for, ultimate
acceptance of, and delight in their visible
STAGE | SILVER | EBONI | JADE |
Pre-encounter (Cross, 1992) |
They probably never saw a Black girl before I went to school there. ('89) | I knew then that things were going to be different. ('89) | |
Encounter (Cross, 1992) |
He called me a Blackie. I was like grinding his face into the pavement. ('89) | Too bad, loser. ('89) | They called me a Paki. I called them Honkies. ('89) |
Conformity (Cross, 1992) |
I washed a lot of it out so they wouldn't feel uncomfortable. ('89) | I bake pies. West Indians don't. ('97) | |
Dissonance (Louden, 1981) |
How many visibly different people really make it? ('97) | I am not dry. I have a spice for life. ('89) | |
Appreciation (Herring, 1995) |
I was wrapped in the mantle of my ethnicity. ('97) | I am woman. I am incredible. I am Black. ('97) | Reaching back to anchor myself in my heritage. Everyone keeps a bit of the motherland inside. ('97) |
Synergetic articulation (Cross, 1992) |
I cannot let fear of my difference stop me from righting a wrong when I see it. ('97) | My ranch style dream house is on 10 acres of land. It has an enclosed greenhouse with a mango tree . We'll plant grain. ('97) |
I am café au lait; a woman of color; an ethnic rainbow. What you think makes a difference. (97) |
Internalization & application (Cross, 1992) |
The rest of the world sees me as Black. I have to act in a certain way to represent the culture that I am. ('97) | I am woman. I am incredible. I am Black. ('97) |
I will not forget where I came from. I don't think being a woman of color brings me down a notch. ('97) |
difference which their college stories reveal. Acceptance of
their differences has buoyed up their sense of self.
Jade as a saleswoman flaunted her ethnic identity. Silver, with
her history of representing her people, is beholden to it. The
exemplar quotes signify a commonality with the stage considered.
This framework illuminates a pattern for these women who act on
the self-definition as members of a minority group. This table
is vital to the study of success development especially since
Herring (1995) insists that the integration of cultural identity
and a positive self-concept leads to a sense of competence.
Jade and Silver story an acceptance of their ethnic selves. Their
inner security developed at the internalization stage and flowered
into a bi-dialectic delight in their plurality, evidenced by their
self-description, self-expression, and attachment to their ancestral
ties. Eboni, who may not yet have fully attained what Cross (1971,
1991) posits as internal commitment to one's sense of Blackness
as she negotiates her identity, needed the help of her husband
to become comfortable with it.
Becoming the Golden Hibiscus
As the women narrate it, their own success unfolds like a blossoming
hibiscus in a slow-motion Polaroid picture. However, this is not
so much an evolution as it is an active, intentional phenomenon.
Their metaphorsbuild to a pinnacle, polishing the diamond,
carrying a big stickimply active agency.
Eboni's E-mail message is emotive:
I am not plastic which can be melted down, nor am I a piece of
clay that can be shaped. I am an individual who has finally opened
her heart to herself. I am proud of what God has made me which
is a beautiful woman with a mahogany complexion. He also made
me with a strong will and determination to strive for better,
should I want it.
While analyzing the themes inherent in this segment, I suddenly
understood that the women were describing a distinct parallel
to Maslow's (1954, 1962) growth needs towards self-actualization.
The majority of Frank Goble's (1970) schema of Maslow's 16 meta-needs
are represented in the women's words as they describe their definition
of, and progress to, success.
Jade talks about her success, beginning at her birth and building
on each additional success. "It's not the big success at
the end. It's the little success along the way." Her revised
poem reflects that unfolding. Silver's success developed on the
cusp of family support, academic prowess, peer affirmation, and
forethoughther metaphor "anointed yet dry" suggests
an ordinationthe beginning of a special journey in service.
One of the critical findings of this study lies in Silver's words.
"I've spent some time actualizing both sides of myself."
In Maslow's (1954, 1962) schema of growth needs leading to self-actualization,
we find a new mirror for the inner signifiers to success.
For the purpose of this study, however, some revisions must be
made clear. Their search for truth is not so much scientific truth,
whatever that might entail, as it is Truth or God-of-the-bigger-plan
truth. Success, as the women story it, comes from their God-purposed
inside. Similarly, beauty is defined here as the enjoyment of
the natural beauty that physical space affords. Playfulness is
viewed as the humor that pervades their discourse. Goodness is
mediated through their service storiesstories, which may
have derived, perhaps not coincidentally, from their high-school's
motto: Service not fame.
Each woman has attained varying degrees of the dimensions of success.
It must be remembered, however, that Eboni at 24 is the youngest
of the trio. Her success is still very much in the public domaina
family, a house with a garden, a car, and a career if she chooses
to use it. Jade, who is already at the fourth segment of her life
at 29, according to Borysenko (1996), has maturity on her side
and guides the display.
What Table 5 cannot show is that there are several other themes
that converge as the women share their accounts. The first, and
most important, is their constant need for reflection and evaluation
of their progress. They frequently recount moments when they sought
ways to improve their life patterns. Silver's story of the "li'l
stretch of road" is indicative of this need for intentional
deliberation.
What also is not displayed is the development of success is a
series of social competencies, several of which are leadership-based.
Again, Silver exemplifies this theme, but Eboni's and Silver's
church-related service roles also reflect this mode. Many of these
competencies involve communication. The graduation speech that
Jade gave to a group of high-school students she had worked with,
and the various speeches Silver gave, all contribute to the competencies
in which they take pride.
In Table 5, Jade, the most senior of the three, guides the display
in her own voice. The others follow with exemplar quotes.
MASLOW'S META-NEED | JADE | SILVER | EBONI |
Self-sufficiency | A successful woman is self-sufficient. She can stand up for herself. Knowing she can take care of herself. |
Eventually [successful people] can be by themselves and accept themselves, and be fine with that. This is me marching down that aisle. I have to find a way to make this happen. You have to be able to understand yourself and grow from yourself out before you can do anything else. |
Success is when a person achieves what she's set out to do. |
Goodness in service |
The trip that I took with the choir to Mexico. What a lesson in sharing. The trip to Rwanda. How could I fit back in a world when I measured the cost of an item by how many pairs of children's shoes it could buy? Eventually we will live overseas, working with other women, encouraging them, teaching them... . |
I don't see myself being actualized in some Fortune 500 company. I want to actually touch somebody's life and make an actual difference. | She had no dress for graduation. I made [a cream lace] one |
Beauty of space | I remember watching the sunrise, the sunset, the lights of the fishing boats way out on the sea. | This park across from my home is a haven for me. A solace. It's a place where I feel open and safe. |
I would just sit and watch the sunset. I could lose myself in it. The colors are like paint splashed against the sky. It was our house. But it was my space! I may be selfish but I need my space. |
Individuality |
Success is being content with who I am. I will not melt into marriage and lose my identity. |
The truest definition of success that you can have is to belong inside yourself. | |
Perfection | A wise person doesn't say much, but what he says is good. |
I remember very specifically when I graduated from high school, I was obsessed with graduating with honors. I missed it by 3%. I think when I do something, I always think I could do it better. When I graduated from college, I graduated cum laude. But I could have graduated magna cum laude with a 3.8 if I had remembered to S/U the class. There were a lot of mad mistakes in the yearbook. I was proud of it, but it could have been better in a lot of ways. My speech at graduation. It was really that good! |
It's not just blue. It's Wedgewood blue. |
Justice |
Just say what you need to and get out! Action speak louda dan voice. |
I cannot let fear of my difference, of people looking at me as different stop me from righting an injustice when I see it. | The way things have happened for us is nothing short of God's blessings. |
Simplicity and serenity |
Simple but elegant. Like tulips. They don't have ruffly things going on. Success is when I'm at peace inside. |
I'm just me. Just Sil. | |
Truth |
God knows me better than I know myself. Use me Master, in your vineyard. Keep me humble. Make me pure. |
Everybody has highs and lows in their life. The way you really know you've learned from the highs is how you react to the lows. Everything happens for a reason. In the fullness of time you will see it. |
God sacrificed His only son. My price tag was paid with His blood. |
Humor and playfulness |
Giraffes have lovely long eyelashes! If there was a spider, I'd jump out of the jar! |
Her sense of humor is woven through the dialogue, and I could not refrain from laughing even if my degree depended on it. | I wasn't going to school with the beached whale syndrome! |
The Playlet: A Synthesis of the Study's Findings
To create this playlet, the interview data were further categorized
into the study's three major themes of mother-daughter support,
God-reliance, education as a growth experience, and the minor
theme of ethnic identity developmentfour units of meaning
in success development. Since the data were originally collected
in a "conversation with a purpose" context, using the
voices of the participants was a simple process. Performance texts,
such as the one below, have narrators, action, and shifting perspectives.
Except for minor syntactical changes, the script is identical
to the verbatim transcripts of the original interviews. As one
voice was juxtaposed onto another, one theme overlaid on the other,
the dialogue which resulted flowed almost naturally into a playlet
script (West & Oldfather, 1995). It became a performance text
(Denzin, 1997) which creates spaces for the merging on multiple
voices and experiences (Conquergood, 1992). This work is, in short,
a response to Richardson's challenge: "If you wish to experiment
with evocative writing, a good place to begin is by transforming
your field notes into drama" (1994, p. 526).
This is a text which enters a world opened by the standpoint epistemologies
that seek to evoke experience, not explain it (Denzin, 1997).
The voice of an interviewer provides structure to the play. His
questions, while not identical to those asked in the original
interviews (Appendixes A & B), highlight the categories, and
oftenif the women's voices do notprovide the transitions
essential to the flow of the dialogue in this discourse. This
performance text is both an interpretive and emotive recount of
events and tellings from the field. The host's questions reflect
my ruminations as I struggled to develop a clearer understanding
of success development and its correlates.
Meet the Press: The Interview in Playlet PolylogueSetting:
The set of a talk show
Cast: Talk show host, Eboni, Silver, and Jade
HOST: Good afternoon, Toronto. I'm your host, Phil Baxter.
Welcome to our show. Today's segment is "And they call themselves
ordinary people." Our guests are three women who have been
selected as modern models of success. Their friends sent in their
names and their storiesunknown to them, of course. When
our staff read their stories, the decision was unanimous. They
had to appear on the show. Now here they are, ladies and gentlemenEboni
Powers, Silver Braxton, and Jade Delainey!
(Polite applause)
HOST: Tell me, Eboni. Why do you think your friends sent your
story in to us?
EBONI: I don't know. I was thinking about that on my way down
here. I don't know that I am the person for your show. I really
don't see myself as successful. Yes, my friends remind me that
I am only 24. I have a house with a garden, a brand-new stick-shift
car which I can drive, a husband, and two cute little sons, but
am I really successful? (Shrugs) If I am successful, I'll be able
to fly myself and my entire family to Jamaica for a week next
year!
(Audience applauds whole-heartedly)
HOST: How about you, Silver? Why do you think your friends nominated
you for this show?
SILVER: When I speak, I sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I don't always, but it sounds like it. Or maybe it is because
of my college experiencepresident of my class, yearbook
editor (slapping thigh to count off achievements), departmental
honors, I graduated cum laude. But I'm really just your regular
Joelean.
HOST: Jade?
JADE: I think because I got my university educationmy bachelor's
and my master's too. And travelling to Europe, going to school
in France. And something else I wanted to dogo somewhere
as a missionary. I got the chance to do this in Africa.
HOST: You just mentioned schooling, Jade. How important was education
to becoming successful?
JADE: Education was important to my mom. When we lived in Guyana,
where I was born, she wanted me to go to a Catholic school. It
was a very good school. A very good place for kids to go. But
because we are not Catholic, she had to enroll me in that school
when I was born so I would get a place there. My momshe
wants the best for her daughter.
SILVER: Educations are good. (Slapping her thigh). Educations
are necessary. I believe educations are amazing, but it's not
all. If that's all you have, that's all you cling to, it's only
a piece of paper, really.
EBONI: It was important to me. My success began when I moved to
boarding school. No, it started with thinking about moving to
school. I met wonderful people there. Role models. And there I
learned that people around me did not have the freedom to force
me into a mold they had created. I had the freedom to do whatever
I wantedmake whatever choices I wanted. I would have to
pay the consequences, of course. But I had the freedom. I worked
in a greenhouse at school one summer. I just loved being there.
It was so relaxed. So therapeutic. The smells, I loved it!
HOST: Are you saying, Eboni, that your school had a greenhouse
effect on you?
JADE: My elementary school was sorta like that. It had beautiful
gardens. It was so quiet. It was a wonderful place, kinda like
a refuge.
EBONI: Greenhouse? (pause) High school and college perhaps, but
not my first years at elementary school! When I was in grade 3,
we had to choose teams in softball. And everyone was chosen and
they left me for the last. And then they said, "We don't
need any more." And I was just always, you know, left out
in the cold.
JADE & SILVER (Unison) Ouch!
JADE: You know . . . Something like that happened to me when I
first went to school here, too. At first the teachers watched
out for me. But when I was in grade 4 or 5, a kid punched me in
the stomach. They treated me differently because I was (pause).
Because I came from somewhere else. I just stood there and cried.
But as I got older, I started fighting back. Became just as aggressive.
When they called me the N word or the P word, I called them the
H word!
SILVER: Go girl! They tried to call me names too. This one guy,
I can't even remember his name now, called me Blackie or something
like that. And I beat him. I was so mad at him, I beat him. I
was like grinding his face into the pavement. My brother had to
come over from another playground to tell me to stop.
HOST: Is that how you survived elementary school?
SILVER: Oh, no. After that, the kids accepted me as I was. At
least that is what I thought then. But now I realize that they
didn't truly accept me because I washed a lot of it out so that
they wouldn't feel uncomfortable, and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable.
HOST: You think the kids felt uncomfortable because of their prejudice?
SILVER: When I went to elementary school, I was the only Black
girl in my school. My mother used to tell me, "People are
always going to call you Black. You should say to them, Yes,
I am, and I'm proud of it'." Then she would add, "Always
remember that it wasn't just you that they were seeing. It is
everybody who is Black that they would ever see."
HOST: Wasn't that a rather weighty responsibility for a little
girl?
SILVER: (Laughing) Perhaps that's why I never listened to her.
Or actually, I listened but just did it my way. It was only in
grade 12 that I began to think. Hey, I'm Black. I shouldn't be
hiding it or pretending that I'm not so that people don't feel
uncomfortable. Why should I have to explain what it means to put
extensions in my hair. You don't know what it means when I perm
my hair. I know what it's like when people have to wash and condition
and all of that. I see it everyday. But you don't know what I
do. When I open up Seventeen, there's nobody there that's me.
And then I got tired. I chose to pretend my Blackness wasn't there
instead of having to explain it all the time.
HOST: Did you all go through that process?
EBONI: I saw a t-shirt last summer that I wish I had bought. It
said something like: "I am a woman. I am incredible. I am
Black. I am tired." That sums up my experience now. But when
I told my mom about the softball game incident back then, she
put me in a private school. She said, "Being Black always
has its problems. You're better off going to the school at church.
That way if there are any problems, you won't get it as hard because
there are other Black children going there. You'll find a place
with your friends, and you'll feel comfortable."
JADE: Wow!
EBONI: Yes, and though I didn't know it at the time, she was on
social assistance!
HOST: A private elementary school!
JADE: Perhaps because I call myself café au laitI'm
mixed, you see, my mother is Asian Indianmy experience was
a bit different. But eventually, I came to realize that it's how
I feel inside, what I think, that makes the difference. If I feel
that because I am a woman of color, people aren't gonna listen
to what I have to say, it will come across that way. But if I
come across as someone who has something important to say, then
people interact with you naturally. I don't think being a woman
of color brings you down a notch. On my honeymoon in Puerto Rico
last year when I felt the warmth, I realized that I still keep
a little bit of my homeland inside and I felt free.
HOST: Perhaps that brought you up a notch. All through this interview,
I keep hearing references to your mothers. What role did she play
in your progress to success?
JADE: She played a big part. She has been an example to me. Her
perseverance. Her struggles.
SILVER: My mother always said to me, "I want you to have
every opportunity. I don't want you to have to ever work hard
like I did."
JADE: My mother said that too! She'd say, "You can go a long
way if you have an education. I never got a lot of things because
I don't have a degree. You can get a better job. The people you
meet will have important things to say."
SILVER: When I went to college in the States, my parents moved
there. They moved so that it would be easier for the entire family
to have my brother and me right there in college.
JADE: Wow! So did my parents. They moved because I didn't want
to live in residence any more.
SILVER: My mother taught me a lot too. When I was going through
some teenage angst if, for some reason, this guy didn't like me,
I was ready to dash away all my homework. My mother would say,
"You know what? He's not going to be there with you when
you march down the aisle at graduation. You will. And all that
stuff won't matter anymore."
JADE: My mother taught me a similar lesson. Once when I was working
through the typical teenage hormonal angst . . . No, when I was
having problems at work, she told me what her mother had told
her a long time ago. "W'en yuh han' in de tiga mout', rub
he head."
SILVER & EBONI: (laugh delightedly)
HOST (bewildered): What does that mean?
JADE: Translating exactly, it means, "When your hand is in
the tiger's mouth, stroke his head." It's a metaphorical
Guyanese lesson on interpersonal relations. What my mom was teaching
me was how to deal with difficult but powerful people.
What she also taught me was how important it was to have God.
She showed me how God has led her from past to present. One memory
that I will always have is of my mom praying. Sometimes I'd walk
by her bedroom in the mornings and she'd be kneeling, praying.
HOST: Jade, you just made a reference to your God. What does spirituality
have to do with success.
UNISON: Everything!!!
EBONI: The way things have happened for usmy husband, my
sons, and meis nothing short of God's blessing. I read Proverbs
31 every morning. You know, the passage that reads, "Who
can find a virtuous woman?" It's like a wish listdone
that; gotta do this. I'm hoping that someday I can say that I've
done everything on that list. People say, I've done a lot already.
Bought house and land, planted a garden, clothed my sons. But
it's God who takes care. He really does. And I know He has a purpose
for me.
JADE: So do I. I always remind myself that God knows me better
than I know myself. That thought keeps me focused on God's will.
With constant prayer and careful listening, I slowly see where
He is leading.
SILVER: You know, there was a li'l stretch of road between campus
and home that I would walk. Mostly at night. I would sit down
and think. And I prayed. I'm like, "God, what is going on?
Could you kinda let me in on the next plan. I know there's a plan
bigger than what I do." I believe that everything happens
for a reason.
HOST: Is that knowledge, that belief . . . Is that what keeps
you grounded?
UNISON: Yes.
SILVER: That and a park across from my home. This park saved my
life when I moved back after college. It is a haven for me. A
solace, actually.
EBONI When I lived with my mother in an apartment building, I
had a park like that too. I needed that space. It may sound selfish,
but I need my space.
JADE: When I was young, I remember watching the sunrise, the sunset,
the lights of the fishing boats way out on the sea. Beautiful
nature. Now whenever I go somewhere tropical, I feel warm inside.
As if I'm halfway home.
HOST: Jade, you just alluded to your tropical roots. Do you all
think being visibly different made you strive for success more
actively?
SILVER: It's more than just that. It's sociopolitical as well.
I probably symbolize the amalgamation of the civil rights movement,
the women's movements. I'm generation X. I'm educated and I'm
a minority. The rest of the world sees me as Black. Sometimes
I have to act in a certain way to represent the culture that I
am. When I was growing up, I tried to be very different, consciously
different from other females. I was the ultimate tomboy. I've
spent more time actualizing both sides of myself than I think
many people do.
HOST: As we bring this hour to a close, would you share with our
audience your definition of success?
JADE: I can tell you what it's not. It's not being abrasive. It's
not, you know, having a big voice and just bulldozing people.
SILVER: I think the truest definition of success that you can
have is to belong inside yourself. I think to be successful (slapping
her thigh), you have to be able to belong wherever you are. Because
you're in here (pointing to heart). You have to be able to (slapping
her thigh) understand yourself and grow (slapping her thigh) from
yourself out before you can do anything else.
JADE: Success is being happy where I am at the time. Being at
peace inside.
EBONI: Success for me is when a person achieves (slapping her
thigh) what they set out to do. When they've reached (slapping
her thigh) their goals.
JADE: I saw a poster in my office that sums it up exactly. Success
is not a destination; it's a journey.
SILVER: Uhhmmn. A long journey with a lot of highs and lows. Somebody
once said, and I can't remember who said it, but it's, "Everybody
has highs and lows in their life and the way that you really know
you've learned from the high is how you react to the lows in your
life." You have to be able to understand (slapping her thigh)
yourself and to grow from yourself out before you can do anything.
JADE: You're right. Success is be-ing. Success is living a simple,
good life. It's like peace of mind, being content with who I am.
HOST: What was one thing that moved you or kept you on your path
to success?
SILVER: One thing? Just one thing? Being in the spotlight (grins).
OK, well, for me it was that my destination in life is to be a
lawyer.
EBONI: I'm determined and tenacious. When I set my mind to something,
I don't let go.
JADE: The thought: I'm my mother's daughter. I'm gonna persevere.
HOST: What advice would you give to those coming after you?
SILVER: Don't stagnate. Keep moving. Get (slapping her thigh)
to another level. Start something new. There's a plan bigger than
who you are.
EBONI: Be determined and tenacious. When you set your mind to
something, don't let go. Take a break, if you have to, but go
back and finish.
JADE: You can be whatever you can be as long as you're free inside.
Being self-sufficient.
(In a miked whisper to Silver) Why do you slap your thigh all
the time?
SILVER: Oh, I don't know. A jump start for my brain, I guess!
HOST: And that, ladies and gentlemen, was what this show was about
today!
A jump start for your brain!
At the Swings: The Controlling Metaphor
"Metaphor is the backbone of social science writing, and
like a true spine, it bears weight, permits movement, links parts
together into a functional coherent wholeand is not immediately
visible " (Richardson, 1990, p. 18).
The study's controlling metaphor is indeed a potent way of seeing
ordinary things differentlyin different forms and from different
perspectives, thus "deepening meaning, expanding awareness,
and enlarging understanding" (Eisner, 1997b, p. 5). Figure
1, which I commissioned for this study, reflects the metaphoric
themes discussed below that informs this study.
The hands in the picture, however, bring a new perspective to
the foreground of the inquiry and enlarge my understanding. The
hands, unmistakably feminine, are both
Figure 1. At the swings.
Original crayon drawing by Arnold Jimenez
Commissioned by Glenda-mae Greene, March 1998
supportive and instrumental. They soothe and they motivate.
At first glance, they are accepted as the mother's hands. On further
reflection, a link not immediately visible
becomes clear. They can just as easily symbolize the school teacher's
hands. They represent the link between familial and school settings.
Silver's precious mother-memory evolved to become the controlling
metaphor for this study because it signaled a plethora of possible
meanings. The underlying assumption of the scene is that role
modeling on the swingsrealistic or vicariousoccurred
here and
the rewards were pleasurable. Young Silver had most likely seen
others enjoying themselves at the swings and was eager to follow
suit.
The repetition, which is a requisite for the act of swinging brings
to mind much of what is required in learning. This, however, is
not rote learning; it is active and ultimately self-regulatory
as the child learns to pump and control her own soaring. The notion
of soaring reminds one that expectations are predicated on few
boundaries. The
tacit assumption here is that the child is given the freedom to
soar, explore a new space, unbridled by limiting institutional
restraints.
This story also illustrates the close and reciprocal relationship
inherent in the mother-daughter bond Silver shared with her mother.
Inherent in the tale is the implicit and safety-producing knowledge
that her mother "got her back," a phrase that implies
safety. Someone whom she trusts is watching out for her. The tacit
assumption here is that the child is given the freedom to soar,
explore a new space, unbridled by limiting institutional restraints.
The context, open spaces and warm sun, is rife with symbolism
of freedom, nurturance, and optimism. References to space abound
in the interview transcripts. Space, as the women story it, has
a myriad meanings. First, it reflects the possibility of personal
freedom. It "refers to the self-dependence and self-determination;
it has little to do with connectedness or being together in community"
(Greene, 1988, p. 1). It illuminates the freedom that each woman
has to choose her own way, unfettered by obligation and relations,
as Eboni discovers.
Space also describes the inner space which empowered the women
to develop a new way of thinking. Silver describes in physical
terms that li'l stretch of road' as the site for her private
reflective space.
Allusions to space in the context of a respite "unconceal"
(Heidegger, 1971,
p. 54), an open public place where each woman sought solace and
renewal. Eboni and Silver describe nearby parks as an antidote
for cramped apartment living. This space is a self-selected site
for temporary isolation from the clutter of communal living. It
is also an antidote for Jade's boxed-in feeling'.
Finally, space is the site for creativity. Silver stories it as
the forum for an embryonic novel. Eboni uses the hours in her
country garden to spend time alone with her thoughts while supplementing
the vegetables for the family table. Jade uses it as the site
for remembering her roots if she is in the tropics. In essence,
the notion of space privileges the power of choice, independence,
creativity, and possibility.
The poem which follows is predicated on the swing metaphor. It
illuminates the nurturing and motivating themes which the women
storied. Working with the developmental motif which undergirds
this study, I sought to "touch the impalpable" and guide
readers to "see with the eyes of the heart" (Paz, cited
in Glesne, 1997, p. 213).
Image/Text Synthesis: The Pastiche
The research questions are answered, for the most part, in
the image/text balance of this chapter as it was with the poetic
transcription with which this chapter began. Figure 2 illuminates
the meaning of the journey and shares another perspective on this
inquiry.
As Radnofsky noted (1996, p. 386), a qualitative model such as
this one is "a 'sign complex,' a set of visual signifiers
intent on representing data analyses that are usually communicated
in narrative form." Pointing out our need to grasp abstractions
concretely in order to begin to comprehend them, Miles and Huberman
(1994) insist that metaphoric thinking is essential to understanding
social phenomenon. "Metaphors will not let you simply describe
or denote a phenomenon, you have to move up a notch to a more
inferential or analytical level" (p. 252).
Eisner's renowned interest in arts-based research (1997b) coupled
with my need for visuals as a spur to both creative and critical
thinking triggered the development of a metaphoric model. It aims
to encourage the viewer to realize that visually representing
data is an interactive activity. It draws upon the viewer's
deep reflection of the data and my interpretation of them.
Each symbol used is a mental tool for experimenting with ways
of telling and understanding. The multi-dimensionality is lost
in this formstatic textbut the essence of the multiple
realities survives. The story is interpreted in two layers. The
first layer charts the expedition towards success as their stories
described it. We see the vertical staircase
which Silver and Eboni craft; we also see the continuum that Jade
makes of her success
graphic. We observe the common benchmarkshigh-school and
college graduations. We note the shoes of their role models. We
detect directional signs indicating past success and future goals.
We find rest stops for introspection and reflection along the
way, and the Holy Book which dominates the last segment of the
illustration. We pause as the
continuum ends, knowing that it is only a temporary end (Bakhtin,
1981) and we have not yet explored the depths of possible meaning
as the iceberg portrays.
The second layer illustrates the patina of optimism that arcs
their accounts with themes of hope and promise. It depicts the
rainbow of ethnicities which these women claim as their ethnic
heritage. It reflects the God-themes that pervade the stories
they
share.
The pastiche brings us up a notch in connoisseurship (Eisner,
1991). It reminds us of the direct relationship between signifier
and meaning, and that "connotation allows for the creation
of new and virtually unlimited symbols" (Radnofsky, 1996,
p. 386).
Representing the complexities of the data, and my representation
of them, it strives to portray coexisting multiple realities and
how we make sense of this study.
Figure 2.
The journey
A pastiche designed by
Glenda-mae Greene, February 1998
In the end, however, "once the privileged veil of truth is lifted . . . and other disparaged discourses rise to the same epistemological status as the dominant discourse" (Richardson, 1991, p. 173), we see the world as new. This newly created text articulates resilient, emancipatory perspectives on the lived experience of three Caribbean Canadian women, revealing new findings and asking new questions.