“Why don't we stop foolin' ourselves?
The game is over, over, over”

This is it: the last review of a Sonic the Hedgehog comic I plan to write. For a long time I’ve battled a vast reluctance to engage in reviewing a comic from which I’ve felt increasingly estranged. It’s time I admitted it to myself and those who read these efforts of mine.

Archie Comic helped make the decision for me. Last April I sent a check to them to renew my subscriptions to both Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic Universe. Neither subscription was renewed. An e-mail to their customer service address stating as much was never answered. According to the bank they cashed my check.

You know what? If they don’t care, neither do I. I’m taking this as a sign that this relationship is past help. So, let’s get this over with:

Sonic the Hedgehog #268 (March 2015)

Stanley, Austin, Hunzeker cover: Sonic marching in his own parade in full color while the supporting cast is looking kind of washed out. Way more symbolic that it was probably meant to be.

“Champions Part 1 The Gang’s All Here”

Sory: Ian Flynn; Art: Diana Skelly; Ink: Terry Austin; Color: Gabriel Cassata; Lettering: John E. Workman; Assistant Editor: Vincent Lovallo; Editor: Paul Kaminski; Editor-in-Chief: Victor Gorelick; Suits: Mike Pellerito and Jon Goldwater; Sega Loicensing reps: Tyler Ham and Anthony Gaccione.

Another day, another trap. Only this day is an ancient one and the trap is an old one: Coconuts and an Egg Antlion are going against Sonic in some kind of stone-lined pit. Sonic, after the ritual taunting, kicks one of the old school bombs Coconuts fired at him back where it came from, lets another find the Antlion as a target, and escapes the bowl.

On to part 2, where Scratch and Grounder are supposed to be menacing Breezie the Hedgehog, a holdover from the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog TV series. Sonic spin-bops Scratch in the chops, and ricochets into Grounder. He then scoops Breezie in his arms as she gives a knowing look to the 4^th wall.

And fast-forward to today. All of this past is prologue to the group boning up for their next mission. Breezie has gone from being a double agent to a media mogul. Her latest thing is sponsoring some kind of contest in the Casino Night Zone with the usual MacGuffin of a Chaos Emerald as the prize. The hitch is, only Sonic, Amy and Tails will be competing despite Sally’s efforts to field more than one team. Rotor tries to remind everyone else that “we’re trying to save the world,” which is a nod to the Sonic Unleashed continuity. He seems to think that simply grabbing the Emerald is a viable option, but Amy is all “We’re heroes; that’s not how we roll.” Sallie seconds that motion, especially considering her back-channel attempt to buy the Emerald off Breezie came to nothing.

As for Eggman, his idea of the direct approach is to threaten to bomb her back to 1993. Breezie slips into exposition mode, telling Eggie that not only are his military resources stretched too thin to be a threat in this continuity, but that she’s something of a cash cow for him since she’s buying his old hardware and refurbishing it for her own purposes, which include distracting the citizenry with “bread and circuses” though it sounds classier in Latin. But then again what doesn’t?

Breezie is asked to confirm a change in the line-up, and whatever it is she’s mighty pleased. Then she gives Coconuts the pleasure of hanging up on his old boss. Somehow the smart phone technology lacks a certain amount of satisfaction.

Eggman then starts working the phones himself. First he calls the three resident stooges: Nack, Bean and Bark. They were heading for the Casino Zone to boost the Emerald anyway, but they’ll gladly mess with Breezie’s defenses if the price is right. Whatever happened to good old (or bad old, in this case) altruism?

Next he contacts Metal Sonic who’s in the middle of harassing a citizen of Apatos. Apatos, you’ll recall, is in “Southern Eurish.”

Sonic’s team, meanwhile, has arrived in the belly of this story’s beast: the Casino Zone, which has more of an old school Vegas vibe than what I’ve seen of it on recent episodes of “Cops.” Breezie gushes about how the pay-per-view numbers have spiked thanks to Sonic’s presence, and she tells the team that they’re being comped for pretty much everything. But after she tells Sonic the ground rules for whatever kind of fight this is going to be, Sonic drops his own bomb and says that this will happen during the daytime or it won’t happen at all. He doesn’t mention why, but if you’ve been following this comic it may have something to do with his going wolf hog during prime time. Breezie caves in.

Amy, meanwhile, has gone fangirl over fashion icon Honey Cat. Honey, for her part, returns the favor. We then learn she’s on the fight roster. Srsly.

The Hooligans choose that moment to catch sight of the competition, which leads to a bit more exposition on their part. They try to blend in, but Espio is keeping an eye on them. Espio blows in a quick call to Knuckles, who’s too cheap to issue cell phones to his crew. Knuckles may or may not be signed up for the fight but he’s got enough to do trying to find a Master Emerald shard amidst all the glitz.

So we’ve got Sonic leading Team Fighters, Nack leading Team Hooligan, Metal Sonic leading Team Metal Sonic, Honey Cat leading Team Fashionista, and Knuckles leading Team I Don’t Care Anymore.

HEAD: This is going to be a mess, so I’m glad I’m getting out. The bare-bones bleaching in the sun plot: Sonic tries to score a Chaos Emerald by fighting various opponents. It’s kind of a battle royal/tag team mash-up with mixed agendas that’s exceeded its occupancy rate before it’s half-way through this first installment.

Sonic and Metal Sonic are obviously the headliners for this story arc. Team Hooligan is only here for comic relief, as is Team Knuckles; it couldn’t help but be comic relief with Chip in the mix. Team Honey Cat feels like an effort to flog a new character.

As far as old characters are concerned, Ian comes up with a good way to recycle some of the old badniks by having them work in the casino. That’s actually kind of a cute idea but there’s no real way to build on it and come up with effective satire.

This is just a set-up story anyway, typical of part 1 of a story arc. They walk the characters on-stage and announce the set-up. Mission accomplished. Head Score: 5.

EYE: As much as Diana Skelly’s artwork is on-model, it’s Gabriel Cassata’s coloring that makes the artwork here. His golds and pinks set the Vegas kitsch mood as much as the grays of the control room away from the casino public. Apatos, one of my favorite sites in Sonic Unleashed visually, doesn’t get fully used this time around. Eye Score: 7.

HEART: It doesn’t help that the three-page prelude plays like the comedy that was The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. But it does telegraph right away that the fix is in and this story will be lightweight. I don’t know if they can get away with this in the new Vegas.

Even though the story makes feints toward the planet coming apart premise, the lack of any kind of sense of urgency about it is the defining factor. The story is just another Emerald hunt. Which is OK if you like that sort of thing. Heart Score: 3.

FAN ART: T-Pup by Declan, Sonic by AiRbaL, hippie Amy by Catherine, and Sonic and his wolf hog shadow by Noah.

OFF-PANEL: Scratch and Grounder doing color commentary on a computer fight game between Bunnie and Blaze. Makes me wish those two had been playables in other Sonic games (not fight games, though).

And I can’t bring myself to do the letters. To quote Sonic, “I’m outta here.”