Sonic #89 [Dec 2K]

Spaziante/Harvo/Ray cover: I think Spaz has been playing too many video games. What else would account, not only for yet one more cameo appearance by Astal (I think...it's kinda hard to tell with that "Besieged" in the way), but also the depiction of Niuniu, who was rechristened "Neo" for the U.S. market?

Neo/Niuniu is the star of "Super Magnetic Neo," a Sega platform game. He's a magnetically equipped robot who looks, according to one game reviewer, "like a cross between a cereal box and a toilet bowl." I'm sure he meant that in a nice way. The gimmick here is that the player can activate either of Neo's magnetic poles in order to attract or repel enemies and whatever. Beyond that, there's not much new ground broken; another reviewer slammed the game as "such a blatant ripoff of Crash Bandicoot, I can't believe somebody isn't being sued." In fact, despite some generally positive reviews for its looks and music, it came in for a serious flaming from the reviewer mentioned above: "You wouldn't think there could be camera problems with this carbon copy of [a] Crash Bandicoot styled game, but there are...the camera has a tendency to zoom in and out for no reason other than to drive you nuts...This game is two games in one, [both] of them bad...Each level has one hidden item, not even hidden because the VMU beeps when you're there...I believe the non-creative team behind this effort realized what a short game they had about halfway through, and threw in the treasure part as a bad afterthought...If you can keep from throwing this piece of garbage against the wall in utter frustration, go ahead and rent it, otherwise stay away at all costs."

I've quoted the game review at length only because brain damage suffered by Spaz as a result of playing it is the only possible explanation for why he got the cover WRONG!! His mind was somewhere else, obviously, though in all fairness he may have either drawn the cover at the last possible moment or redrawn it at the request of Management. In any event, the three principle characters on the cover form an emotional tableau that has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the story inside. Geoffrey has a smirk on his face despite the fact that the story is a Gloat-Free Zone. And poor Sally! On top of everything else she has to put up with in the story proper, Spaz misreads her badly. I mean, she's DRAWN well, but her outburst at Sonic for allowing King Max to be sucker-punched in the previous installment is turned into some kind of hectoring posture that doesn't begin to convey what Sally's going through. The huge milky tears she's supposed to be shedding looks more like a bad case of manga/anime flop sweat. And Nicole has been transformed from a handheld computer into a laptop with a shoulder strap that ends up resembling nothing so much as a rather matronly-looking handbag. The end-result is that Sal looks like she's grounding Sonic for breaking curfew. I'm not faulting the QUALITY of Spaz's artwork; I think the composition is a strong one (once you lose the two video game mopes in the background), but he's badly misread the story inside. If I awarded Heart Scores for cover art I'd have to give this one a 2, but since I don't I can only caution Spaz that despite its technical execution this cover has become a strong contender for Worst Cover Art Of The Year.

"Thicker Than Water"

Story: Karl Bollers; Art: Fry; Ink: Andrew Pepoy; Lettering: Jeff Powell; Color: Frank Gagliardo; Editorial: G-Force.

"King Max's hurt pretty bad," Dr. Quack declares, despite the fact that he's made this diagnoses without removing the King's armor. Sally reminds Sonic of what the hedgehog's prime directive was supposed to be in the previous story before leaving the room in tears WITHOUT really lashing out at Sonic. She also leaves without waiting to hear Geoffrey's explanation of WHY Sonic allowed Max to get conked, which is once more at variance with the cover art. Elias pulls rank on the two and follows his sister.

Now It Can Be Told: I asked Ken Penders once what name he would have given Elias if he hadn't lateraled the character over to Karl Bollers after introducing him in the Forbidden Zone arc (K19-21). Ken hadn't gotten far enough along in developing the character of Sally's brother to come up with an official name, so Karl gets the credit for naming him "Elias." As for Ken, he admitted that he'd been leaning toward the name "Dumas," after Alexandre Dumas (1802-1870), the author of "The Three Musketeers" and "The Count of Monte Cristo." He said he was looking for a name to match a streak of adventure-seeking in the prince. I can understand Ken's reasoning, but considering how one of the characters in "The Shawshank Redemption" mispronounced "Dumas," perhaps it's just as well that he's named Elias.

Various roboticized Mobians gather for the return of Robotnik. "I've been abroad for far too long," he says [insert joke here], and takes a peek at how Sonic had trashed the place in the last ish.

As Geoff tells one of the Grape Beret Mobies to put the Sword back in the same no-security storage facility that Amy Rose got into to kype the Ring of Acorn in "The Discovery" (S79), Sonic talks with Mother-Figure Rosie. Sonic is allowed to let his self-confidence slip and to admit that he blew it. At this point Mina, who's apparently been babysitting the same three tads since "Changes" (S78) finally decides to take a break and hand the little rugrats back off to Rosie. As she notices how down Sonic is (within the limits of Archie Comic standards; i.e., we're not allowed to see his face), Elias catches up with Sally who's sitting on the bridge (which strikes me as being a rather symbolic locale).

A fan recently wrote to me and asked (I'm not making this up) when Elias and Sally got together after the former's return to Mobitropolis in order to reconnect as brother and sister. I could only conjecture that the meeting took place some time between "Surprise!" and "A Day In The Life" (S68 and 69, respectively). The fans never got to see anything, possibly because Management thought it wasn't worth depicting. But in a scene that's absolutely amazing by Archie Comic standards, Sally and Elias talk about how much stress Sally has been under since the family was "reunited" and their father's lack of complete honesty with them (a plot point that Karl Bollers inherited from Ken Penders). Even Elias sheds his cluelessness and admits he should have been more straightforward with Sally. Finally, Sal stops dancing around Issue One: "I'm not ready to lose Mom and Dad." This gives Elias a chance to repair Sonic's reputation in Sally's eyes.

Sonic, meanwhile, experiences YET ANOTHER heartfeld reunion with his parents. I know they're probably a little over-sensitive about losing him, but haven't they ever heard of the concept of "boundaries?" As Bernie does her June Cleaver impersonation, Sonic ponders out loud: "Maybe I'm just a loose cannon...always acting before thinking." Great news, Sonic, you've tested positive for "insight!" He then wonders about the fate of Father-Figure Uncle Chuck .

We don't know any more than Sonic does as we watch Robotnik review the game footage from the last installment. Yet he seems to have caught on that the Sword did something to break Robotnik's hold on Chuck's mind.

As Sonic chows down on chili dogs for breakfast, we almost miss a rather charming flashback that's NOT rendered in sepia or grayscale or some other off color, thanks to Frank Gagliardo. While that's going on, Mina is doing a slow burn about Robotnik and what he's done to her family.

Don't ask me WHAT those pink bubbles are in page [12] panel 1. At first I thought they were lights, but that can't be because the next page has Sally and Elias still in broad daylight. Anyway, Sonic literally blows past Geoffrey and Hershey to kype the Sword. And where are the guards? They're delivering rather sensitive medical news to Sally and Elias by screaming it out at the top of their lungs. My guess is they washed out of Officer Candidate School by flunking the "Tact" portion of the exam. Sally and Elias rush to the bedside of King Max, who's wearing a gauze crown but otherwise doesn't appear the worse for wear. And right on cue, in the culmination of a plot point that goes all the way back TWO YEARS to Knuckles #17, Queen Alicia regains consciousness. And there was much rejoicing.

Sonic, meanwhile, is doing the self-fulfilling prophecy routine by delivering the Sword to Robotnik's. He's being watched by a shadowy figure behind a tree. Either Uma Arachnis is back in town, or Mina bought her outfit at Ninjas R Us.

HEAD: After years of complaining about mindless plots and cardboard characterizations, after wondering whether the Karl Bollers who wrote "Running To Stand Still" (S54) would ever produce that level of work again, Karl has miraculously turned in a story that totally won me over. By some alchemy that enabled him to get past the watchful Editorial dragons, we've got a story that doesn't depend on narrow escapes and punches being thrown and yet doesn't drag, either. Uncle Chuck's fate is still up in the air, but I can live with that for the time being. I'll save most of my observations about what made this story work for the HEART section, because that's where they belong. Head Score: 10.

EYE: Fry's more angular style (compared with his earlier work, as in "Rebel Without A Pause," S77) doesn't manage to detract from what's going on. The panels with Sally and Elias at the bridge are extremely well composed, and he's thrown in some touches that recur in anime and manga where nature appears to be involved with the story: the sun behind Jules's head on page 8 and the leaves surrounding Elias at the bottom of page [6] are all touches that can be found in Japanese pop culture. Next time you watch a samurai movie, it's even money that it'll be raining during the climactic duel. And the quickie flashback of Sonic and Uncle Chuck during happier times on page 11 hits just the right note. Those whatever-they-are at the top of page [12] are the only real problem I have with the art, and I'm prepared to overlook them for the moment. Eye Score: 10.

HEART: I've said it so much even I'M getting tired of it: for too long, the characters in the comic have mostly gone through the motions in these stories. They've been dead behind the eyes.

Well, someone at Archie finally got around to saying "Let there be light." Either that, or else this slipped through while everyone was busy either attending cons during the summer or they were being deposed by Dan DeCarlo's lawyers.

Sonic isn't the only real revelation here, but the fact that he's allowed an interior life AT ALL says something. The usually flippant hedgehog is unusually self-introspective this time around, aware that he let Sally down and realizing how much it hurt to lose Uncle Chuck yet again. And his dashing off with the sword to rescue Uncle Chuck (or anyone else, for that matter) doesn't violate either Archie's in-house standards or the consistency of the plot. He knows he screwed up and he's going to do something about it. Makes perfect sense compared to some of his past actions. I'll never forget the scene from Death Egg #1 where Sonic reasons: "The Grotto has been ruined. Let me ask a character who lives hundreds of miles away if HE knows anything about it!"

Sally and Elias are equally well-drawn here. Mostly Sally is feeling the anxiety of having BOTH parents in possibly serious medical condition, with nothing to do but wait. In fact, the key players who will help determine the course of the book from now on are Jules, Bernie, Max and Alicia.

In a recent posting on his Web site's message board, Ken Penders made the following comment about Sonic 100:

What it won't have: any weddings or engagements involving anyone from

Knothole Village. Justin, Karl and I have been discussing the issue

at length, and it was decided that most, if not all of the characters

considered -- Sonic, Sally, Antoine, and Bunnie -- are simply too young

for any serious relationships beyond simply dating. (I had been

a proponent for at least Antoine and Bunnie getting engaged, but

I'm afraid that is one aspect where I simply may have let all the fan

interaction get to me, and just wanted that monkey off my back. You have

no idea how tiring it gets to receive e-mail practically every day asking

when Sonic and Sally are going to get married. When Justin and Karl made

their case against it, I couldn't help but agree. It would be wrong

for the series to proceed any further in that direction at this time.)

In a sense, I have to sympathize with Ken's situation. Given the continuity, it's extremely easy to forget that Sonic, Sally and the gang (Tails being the most obvious exception) are supposed to be teenagers. But the circumstances of their lives on Mobius couldn't be further removed from the safe, insular, bourgeois environs of Riverdale inhabited by another group of adolescents: Archie Andrews and his crowd.

Consider what Archie's crowd are up against: The usual whirl of high school, dating (where the only erotic element is supplied by Dan DeCarlo's depictions of Betty and Veronica in non-revealing swimwear), and more lately rip-offs of Scooby-Doo story lines. In short, they're comfortably recognizable as comic book teens with no real problems. They never had their childhood interrupted because of a hostile takeover of the planet by a supervillain. They never had to endure forced separation from their parents. They never had to let it sink in that their family and friends were being turned into mechanical caricatures of living things, and that they could very well suffer the same fate at any moment. They never had to forsake the football field and the malt shop and other such sanctuaries and become guerrilla fighters about the same time they hit puberty. As far as I know Veronica Lodge has never had to wield anything deadlier than a nail file; she certainly was never put in charge of any of her father's business enterprises. Sally, on the other hand, summarized her own teen years perfectly in this story: "I used to know what was going on when the chain of command ended with me."

The youths of Knothole, whatever their chronological age, have had to do more growing up than all the Riverdale High kids put together. That includes Tails. But it's so easy to FORGET that fact because they HAVE had to function on their own without adult supervision. Survival and self-reliance, not slapstick, defined their adolescence. And if the fans are interested in whether any of the Knothole gang will ever tie the knot, it's partly from a sense that in light of their lost childhood and heroism they're ENTITLED to that measure of happiness. And let's face it, the characters are simply right for each other: responsible Sally is a steadying influence on the now self-confessed "loose cannon" Sonic.

But the Knothole characters existed out of context so long as their families were prisoners of Robotnik. It's easy for the fans to imagine them facing the adult institution of marriage because they've had to FUNCTION as adults! Now that Sonic and the Royal sibs have a complete set of parental bookends, maybe the agitation of the fans for Sonic and Sally to get married will die down on its own.

But I doubt it.

In the first place, as I said already, the chemistry between Sal and Sonic is such that you can't see them NOT getting together at some point. As a matter of fact, it's impossible not to think of them getting married eventually. And who opened that door?

Ken Penders.

For all his protests about it being only a "possible" future, once he committed Sonic and Sally to eventual matrimony in "Sally's Quest" (In Your Face special) there was no turning back. Nor did he substantially alter the vision in "Ascension" (SSS11). AND he muddied the waters even further by bringing in the arranged-marriage-to-Antoine plot point in "Ultimatum" (S60).

So Ken can complain about the e-mail all he wants, but the bottom line is he's still left sleeping in a bed that he made himself. Besides, he should take it as a compliment; if the fans didn't care they wouldn't be writing at all.

And that's what a story such as this one accomplishes: it deepens the level of caring the veteran fans already feel about the characters while opening up a new aspect of the characters for the benefit of the newbies who may only have just discovered the comic. And even in a weak comic book market, that kind of writing is worth something. Heart Score: 10.

"A Matter of Self-Interest"

Story: Ken Penders; Art: Steve Butler; Ink: Pam Eklund; Lettering: Vikki Williams; Coloring: Frank Gagliardo; Editorial: G-Force.

"Upon comparing notes" ["Ah got me a C-sharp, what do y'all got, Rob darlin'?" "I hath but a lowly B-flat." "And I am having ze F-naturel."] , the crew from the last story [Knuckles, Rob, Antoine, Bunnie, and a Birdie-less Amy Rose] row out toward Albion. Chivalry dictates that Bunnie sit this one out with Any Rose, despite the fact that she's stronger with her bionic arm than Rob and Antoine put together. Come to think of it, why didn't Knuckles tie the rope around his waist, switch in to glide, and pull the boat himself instead of doing his George Washington Crossing The Delaware impersonation?

In any event, their approach is being observed by Gala-Na along with Yanar and a committee of echidnas. Ken has a thing for committees, doesn't he? First the Brotherhood, then the Mysterious Country Cat Committee in "All You Need Is A Bit Of Chaos" (S81), now these echidnas, half of whom remain unnamed.

Our heroes, meanwhile, come ashore and are greeted by Gala-Na who escorts them to the city. Knuckles forgoes the comfort of a bed so he can sit on the balcony and ponder why they went from a nighttime sky to being in broad daylight with a sunrise while Amy Rose and Bunnie are just going to sleep.

Yanar catches up to Knuckles while he's roosting and takes him to see d'Coollette pere. "They're going to deactivate him," Yanar says. "Which means?" "Which means that that's his cue to come back online."

HEAD: Only after I finished reading "Picking Up The Pieces" (S88) did I realize that Ken Penders had assembled a high-powered cast for this story. Consider:

KNUCKLES: Capable of flight, matter manipulation and a host of other tricks because of the energy of a Chaos Emerald within him.

ROB O' THE HEDGE: Debatably skilled marksman, but he's still the only one in the group with a recognizable weapon.

ANTOINE: OK, he's been mainly the comic foil until now, but his presence is demanded for the emotional impact of the impending despot-and-son reunion.

BUNNIE: Do I have to spell "bionic" for you?

AMY ROSE: Cute, which is always good for being imperilled.

And what does this diverse and talented group get to do?

Rob and Antoine row the boat. Knuckles talks a lot. Then he sits on a balcony and talks some more. Oh, and Bunnie turns off a lamp.

This is NOT what I would call "playing to your strengths." It's sort of like having Superman put on the blue tights and the cape to fly as a passenger on board a 737. In coach. Of course, the notion is ridiculous; that was also the idea behind the American Express commercial where the Man of Steel teamed up with Jerry Seinfeld, the Man of Nothing.

I know, I know, this is a multi-part story and we've hit the boring middle passage where the story develops and begins to build to the climax. And Ken's had to re-edit these stories from the original scripts which were supposed to have appeared in the Knuckles books before the title was killed. But face it, Bunnie is severely underutilized in this installment. And Knuckles is equally shortchanged; all he does in this story is talk and brood. It's like asking Sonic not to open up the throttle and juice. Things HAVE TO pick up next month.

What Bunnie DOES get to do, however, is deliver one of the sorriest excuses for a Southern accent I've ever read. I thought that the situation would have started improving without my saying anything, but it ain't happening. If anything, Bunnie's dialect is becoming as impenetrable as Antoine's is becoming nonexistent. Ken's idea of conveying a Southern accent appears to be anchored in the convention of dropping the final R in words. Thus "here" becomes "heah," "sure" becomes "shoah," etc. This actually makes Bunnie sound like she's from South Boston instead of South Carolina. Carried to its illogical conclusion, the dropping of Rs can have a disastrous impact on a character. Imagine someone speaking this kind of Southern dialect ordering breakfast: "Ah'll have some collud geens, cone beahd, and gits."

When I slammed Ken for using the word "shoah" in "Taking The Fall" (S47), he defended the use of the word by citing as his source material some allegedly Southern dialect spoken by a character in a Stan Lee comic. Frankly, the work of Stan Lee is NOT my first choice for a model when it comes to doing a Southern dialect. There are a LOT of better examples out there, from the writings of Mark Twain and Joel Chandler Harris to the comic strip dialects created by Al Capp and Walt Kelly. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to make Ken Penders an offer: the next time you feel the urge to write dialogue for Bunnie, let me know and I'll mail you my copy of "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo." Learn from one of the masters, Ken. Stan Lee; good grief! Head Score: 5.

EYE: It's been a long time since I've explained any Hollywood slang, so here's a quick exposition on "day for night."

Nighttime photography can be very effective, but it can also be costly and tricky to do. There are films that can handle nighttime light levels, but the images invariably look too grainy. To compensate, cinematographers resort to day-for-night shots: they'll shoot a night scene in the broadest daylight possible. Then, through the use of camera filters, underexposure of the film, or adjusting the light level while the film is being printed, the image is made artificially darker in order to simulate night. Black-and-white motion pictures and television series in the Sixties and Seventies made use of the technique. Watch for night scenes where the shadows seem to be REALLY severe; that's a tell-tale sign of a day-for-night shot.

There are times, however, when the system breaks down. In the celebrated bad film masterpiece Plan 9 From Outer Space, Mona McKinnon runs in terror from Bela Lugosi's stunt double in a sequence where some of the shots make it appear to be evening and others show her in blazing daylight. The reason: the day-for-night shots never got properly processed but director Ed Wood chose to leave them in the film anyway.

Something like that is on display here. The first four pages show a sky full of stars, but then we find the sun rising (or setting) on Albion as everyone but Knuckles beds down for the night. "Morning'll be heah befoah you know it," Bunnie reminds us as we see the analog alarm clock on the night stand in her room showing that it's 10:00. It would appear that Butler and Gagliardo got their signals hopelessly crossed in terms of what time of day this was supposed to be. The rest of the artwork is fine, but I didn't expect this kind of sloppiness from Butler/Gagliardo. Maybe Steven was distracted thinking about his new gig for Disney, I don't know. Eye Score: 5.

HEART: Because this is a transitional story, there's not much going on here. That'll have to wait for next issue's reunion. Heart Score: N/A.

Sonic-Grams: If Justin Gabrie thinks I buy the comic so I can read "Off-Panel" (which is on hiatus this month), I've got some oceanfront property in Colorado I'd like to talk to him about.

And once more Justin backpedals like crazy. It was previously reported that Archie wasn't going to do anything special in the way of hyping Sonic #100, a move which in part led to my establishing the Sonic Death Watch two reviews ago. As of this month, however, they're cranking up the hype machinery which leads me to make the following announcement:

THE SONIC DEATH WATCH IS HEREBY CANCELED

This may not be a good thing, however. Ken mentioned on his message board that he's scheduled to co-write the story with Karl Bollers, he'll be handling some of the artwork, and they'll be "featuring practically every character we can shove in there." I know it seems a little too soon after the Sonic Adventure adaptation for yet another train wreck, but if they don't want to learn from their Endgame mistakes, it's their karma. Three requests for the return of the Knuckles book; "We're definitely sensing a distinct pattern here," Editorial observes. And the blurb for Sonic #90 sounds like it was written by Linda Richman: "Talk among yourselves. I'll give you a topic: Birds of a feather can't flock together if they're neither birds nor have feathers. Discuss." She'd comment further but the scene where Queen Alicia revives has left her feeling farklempt. Let's see Stan Lee work THAT word into a story!