Roger waited for Brenda
to come home from work as he sat on the front porch swing. Brenda pulled into the drive way and as soon
as she got out of the car; Roger could see that she had a rough day. Brenda was comforted as she saw Roger and his
expression of genuine concern. Roger
knew how Brenda was feeling without having to ask. Nothing had to be said verbally as they sat
side by side, gently touching. Soon
Roger began to stroke Brenda’s head and shoulders as he sensed that this would
comfort her. Brenda began to open up and
tell Roger all about the stressful events that had taken place at work. As Brenda spoke Roger made positive responses
letting her know that he was hearing the details of what she was saying. Brenda appreciated very much that she could
vent to Roger and he would listen patiently.
After Brenda let
everything off her chest she suddenly remembered that she needed to call Keisha
to let her know she couldn’t watch the grandkids tomorrow. As Brenda talked to Keisha on the phone,
Roger secretly drew a warm bath with lavender bubbles for Brenda to relax
in. As soon as Brenda got off the phone
and began to change into something more comfortable. Roger brought out a hand full of bubbles from
the bathroom, “you take a soak, and I’ll get supper ready,” Roger
explained. It wasn’t hard to convince
her, after kissing Roger on the cheek; she melted into the warm water and
bubbles. Roger dimmed the lights and
called to order some Chinese food delivered.
He went outside and cut a rose from the garden put it in a vase, and
began to boil some water for some tea.
When Brenda came out from the bedroom and found the rose, the Chinese
food, the Chamomile-mint tea, she turned and asked Roger, “So, what’s the
special occasion?” Roger thought for a
moment, “Well, next week is the 15th anniversary of when you first
fell for me.” Both of them laughed,
remembering the same event, how Brenda tripped and fell at
They sat on the couch
cuddling, eating their Chinese out of the boxes. “I love you too,” Brenda whispered. “Huh?” Roger responded. Brenda added, “I want you to know that when
you sat on the swing and listened to me, ran my bath, picked me a rose; I heard
you saying I love you, so now I am telling you that I love you too.” “I also appreciated so much that you could
hear me crying out how much I needed you, without me having to tell you out
loud.”
Brenda and Roger spent
the evening recollecting the struggles and joys over the years. However, listening to each other had not
always been so easy for them. When the
kids were growing up they were a constant distraction from being able to listen
carefully to one another’s needs. They
even tried using “talking sticks” to encourage better communication, even
though the kids thought it was stupid.
Brenda and Roger liked it, and it taught them good listening
skills. Brenda would say, “We have two
ears, and one mouth which means that we need to hear twice as much as we talk.” The “talking stick” rules encouraged more
listening and less talking because only the person holding the stick could
talk, and they could keep talking, without interruption as long as they were
holding the stick. So Brenda stretched
over to the coffee table picked up the “talking stick” held it in front of her,
in silence for a few moments, looking directly into Roger’s eyes, then asked
”Did you hear what I just said?” “Roger
held out his hand for the stick, and then answered, “Yes sweetheart, I love you
too.”
Discussion Questions: