Case Study on Listening with the Newlywed Couple

Manny and Ysebel both started in their marriage with disadvantages to hearing that they learned from their parents. Manny’s parents kept their inner selves hidden from one another and Manny learned to be just like them. Ysebel’s parents were too preoccupied to listen to one another and Ysebel learned to be preoccupied like them. That is, until one afternoon when Manny came home with some disturbing news about his work at the warehouse.

Manny figured out very quickly that his job at the warehouse was very precarious. His boss seemed to let people go just to frighten the workers who remained into doing unpleasant tasks. Manny learned from other worker’s experiences that you must volunteer for whatever the boss wanted you to do to stay on his good side. Because the people who only did what they were required to do didn’t last very long. So on this afternoon, Manny’s boss was looking for 10 volunteers to spend 4 months in Nevada setting up a new warehouse. There would be a big bonus for the volunteers. Transportation and lodging would be provided for the employees but children and spouses had to stay home. Manny knew that he had to go if he wanted to keep his job, but he also knew that he would be miserable without Ysebel for 4 months. Manny told his boss he would think about it and let him know the next day after he talked it over with his wife. Manny explained to Ysebel the dilemma, and they considered all the available options. They considered that the bonus might be just what they needed to get over the hump. Loosing his job would be a disaster, and it would be inevitable because his boss considered this to be a very big favor. Manny couldn’t afford to take the car and come home on the weekends. They agreed that they didn’t like it, but they knew what they had to do. So the next day Manny volunteered and discovered he would be needed in Nevada the following week.

The first few weeks were hard but Manny kept busy at the warehouse as the pace was intense trying to keep up with the volume. Ysebel waited by the phone every evening as they talked for hours till they would run out of things to talk about. Then the manager at the motel began to complain that the workers were tying up his phone lines all evening so the motel requested that each worker be limited to 15 minute calls each evening. The workers and their families were very upset by this restriction but there was nothing they could do about it. This was the only available lodging for hundreds of miles from the warehouse and the company would be very upset if the workers were asked to leave. So Manny and Ysebel put up with yet another inconvenience.

The following weeks as the work began to slow and the phone calls were limited, Manny began to feel that his lovesickness for Ysebel’s company was intolerable. He would have gladly quit his job and returned home if he had a way to get home, but he was stuck. The funny thing was that before the Nevada project when Manny was at home he and Ysebel would say a lot but tell very little about themselves. But now that they were apart and they only had a few minutes each day to talk they would take advantage of that time to reveal their real selves more than they ever did before. Ysebel missed Manny so much that when she would listen to him on the phone she would close her eyes and imagine that Manny was right by her side. When she closed her eyes she would focus on his voice and she wouldn’t let any distractions interfere with her time listening to Manny. She didn’t waste conversation time trying to fix his problems. She noticed every little thing he would say and she asked to hear about every detail of each day he could describe. Soon they moved beyond talking about events, ideas, and opinions and they began talking about how these ideas and events touched them emotionally and inwardly. But mostly Ysebel just wanted to hear his voice, and before she would hang up the phone she would tell him how much she appreciated hearing everything he had to say. Then when they were done, she would cry herself to sleep each night.

Manny and Ysebel learned from this experience to break out of the poor listening habits they had inherited from their parents. When Manny finally returned home they continued on their new journey of deeper emotional conversations. Additionally, they appreciated each other more than they had ever before and when one spoke the other would listen to the other with all their heart. So much so that sometimes, sitting in the same room with one another, Ysebel would take Manny’s hand, close her eyes, and focus on his voice; just to make sure there were no distractions occupying her from hearing every word he had to say.

Discussion Questions:

1. Discuss with your spouse the different kinds of bad listening habits you may have learned growing up from your parents?

2. What are the steps you could take in order to break bad listening habits you have learned over the years?

3. How do you know that you are using good listening habits to hear what God may be trying to tell you?