Case Study on Listening with the
Single Parent
Karen came home from
work and immediately felt her hostility level rise at the fact that Lauren had
invited some of her friends over after school again. Lauren saw the expression on her mothers face
as she came into the apartment and knew she was in trouble. Lauren had been told on multiple occasions
that she was not allowed to have friends over before her mom got home. So Lauren quickly whispered to her friends,
“I think my mom is pissed about something, you guys better go and I will see
you tomorrow in school.” The girls
packed their things and headed toward the door, but not without showing Karen
some attitude first by each glaring her with a “what’s your problem” stare as
they left.
No sooner had her
friends gone out the door and Lauren charged into her mother’s face with fist
clenched and eyes piercing, shouting “Why won’t you let me have any
friends!” Karen stepped back slightly
shocked and intimidated. Then she
reminded herself to take a deep breath and thought to herself “I’m the adult
here, I must remain calm yet firm.”
Pointing her finger at Lauren, Karen began to speak, “I’ve said not to
have friends. . .” “No!” Lauren interrupted, leaning into her mother and
shouted at her again, “What friends!” Then before Karen knew what was happening
Lauren took a quick turn and disappeared into her room slamming the door behind
her. Karen, felt like a cyclone had just
roared through the house, she started to follow behind her, but Lauren locked
her door and was leaning against it, thinking to herself, “Why does my mom hate
me?” She could hear her mother say on
the other side of the door, “Please, just don’t have your friends over when I’m
not home, ok?” Under her breath, Lauren
muttered, “Your so unfair, just because you have no friends doesn’t mean I
don’t want any either!” But Karen did
not hear her; she had already retreated to the couch to compose herself and try
to figure out what was going on with her wacky daughter.
What Karen didn’t
understand was that Lauren actually didn’t have any friends, in an attempt to
try to make friends with some girls that she liked Lauren tried inviting them
over for snacks after school. The
concept that a beautiful, outgoing girl like Lauren couldn’t make any friends
was impossible for Karen to comprehend.
Karen, on the other hand, had tons of friends in high school and it
never occurred to her that Lauren didn’t.
Actually, because Lauren had to rush home everyday after school to watch
Ernie she couldn’t hang out after school and make friends with the other girls.
Lauren had even expressed her problems
to her mother about not having friends in past conversations but her mother
interpreted comments like those as typical teenage drama and exaggerations. Lauren assumed that her mother knew she had
no friends and obviously didn’t want her to make any friends either. Lauren figured that because her mother was so
lonely without Neil that she had become like her mother’s closest friend and
her mother was jealous of her having other friends.
Karen and Lauren both made
faulty assumptions about the other’s words, motives and behaviors. These faulty assumptions eventually blurred
their communication at first and eventually broke down the communication
between them altogether over time.
Discussion Questions: