Case Study on Money with the Blended
Family
Keisha and James met at
the Chinese Restaurant Saturday night.
They started this new page in their lives several months ago, when they
would get together and talk out the issues from their childhood and work at
making peace with one another. Their new
found relationship was growing and going really good. They had ironed out most of the serious hurts
from their past and now this evening they were not planning on any serious
conversation but just having fun and developing a closer bond with one
another. As they talked they spent most
of the evening laughing at some of the terrible things they had done to one
another. It was not funny at the time,
but recollecting the torture they put one another through had them laughing so
loudly that other people in the restaurant began to think that they must of had too much to drink.
At some point toward the
end of the meal Keisha made the comment, “I was the one who had to constantly
deal with my resentment that Mom and Dad liked you better.” Laughingly James retorted, “That’s crazy, you
got the good grades, you were mommies little girl, they definitely liked you
best.” Such a statement stunned Keisha,
and suddenly this conversation wasn’t funny any more. In a very serious tone, she insisted, “No,
you have been their favorite and you still are their favorite, Mom and Dad puts
you through college, helps pay for your car, still helps pay a lot of your
bills. And I resent the fact that you
can’t admit that you always got the preferential treatment over me.” James was not sure if Keisha was serious or
just playing with him. The mood had been
very fun-loving up till now, so he decided to play along, teasing her back,
partially tongue-in-cheek he pointed out.
“Well, this is the way I see it, Mom and Dad spent a fortune on both
your weddings, to make their little princess happy. Your kids have so many presents from Mom and
Dad you could open your own toy store.
And don’t even go there talking about my bills, at least I pay them back
way more than you do!”
Keisha was definitely no
longer having fun. She had much stronger
resentment toward her step-brother for having to play second-fiddle to him than
she previously realized. “Since the time
you entered my life till now you have taken from me everything that was mine
and now you’re the one playing the victim to me?” Keisha’s emotions were at a
boiling point, it was evident to most people that this conversation had gone
out of control. But not to James, he was
still confused as to what was actually going on. Stupidly he announced, “This is the same old
story, this is how you always play Mom and Dad, “Feel sorry for me, I’m the
victim, give me, give me, give me.” It works on them
baby, but don’t expect me to buy it.” James realized that Keisha wasn’t kidding
around anymore about the time her Diet Coke splashed into his face and her
plate flew into his lap. Wiping pop out
of his eyes he got a glimpse of Keisha storming from the table as she loudly
announced, “You can buy this then, baby.”
When James got home that
evening, his wife Robin saw the condition of his clothes and started
laughing. “Have a nice supper with
Keisha, Sweetie?” She asked. Hearing her
laughter started him laughing too. James
went into the bedroom to clean up and told Robin about the whole evening from
beginning to end. When he was finished
Robin keenly saw an insight that had eluded James. “This wasn’t about who is the favorite you
know?” “It isn’t?” James answered. “No, you are both fearful that the other is
going to use up more of the source of your money, your parents.” “What?” James muttered. “You both see your parents as a source of
financial gain, and you both get jealous when you think the other is getting
more.” James remembered how horribly
jealous he was about how much his Dad spent on Keisha’s weddings, so he
couldn’t disagree with Robin about that.
“Go on.” He insisted. Robin
thought for a moment and then added, “The two of you need to stop looking to
your parents to provide for you and look for God to provide. Everything we get financially is a gift from
God; our jobs, our income, extra money from your parents. They are all channels that God works through,
they are not the source. God is the source. Once the two of you get it through your heads
that channels may come and go but the source never changes you can stop
fighting about your Mom and Dads money because they are only a channel not the
source.
Discussion Questions: