Case Study on Unconditional Love
with the Single Parent
Karen woke up in the middle
of the night to the sound of Lauren softly crying herself
to sleep. The thin wall that separated
Lauren’s room from Karen’s allowed for very little privacy. Hearing Lauren crying in the middle of the
night was not unusual and Karen had no emotional energy left over from the
previous day to sympathize with Lauren at that moment. “She needs to just buckle up and grow up,”
Karen thought. “You don’t see me
whimpering like a baby and after all if anyone has anything to cry about it’s
me.” “I am the one abandoned by
everyone.” “It seems like everyone I
know has a husband but me.” “I get real
physical pain, like a knife in my gut, every time I see Neil and think about
him being with Cindy.” “I’m unable to
provide for the basic needs of my children.” “Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my
life?” “God must hate me”, she
concluded, thinking about all the ways God seemed to be punishing her for her
past.
In the morning as Karen
lumbered into the kitchen looking for a cup of coffee she saw that Lauren was
already up and eating a slice of toast at the kitchen table. Lauren’s eyes were bloodshot,
she was sniffling as her head hung low.
Lauren didn’t say a word to her mother as she entered the kitchen. Karen blurted out, “Let me guess, Dale broke
up with you, right? Lauren remained
silent, but her head nodded ever so slightly, acknowledging the fact. Karen stood with her hands on her hips
shaking her head at Lauren, her demeanor showed hostility being absolutely
unsympathetic toward Lauren’s whininess.
She let out an impatient sigh, rolled her eyes, and turned around to
pursue her coffee again. Softly came the
words, “Mommy, I’m pregnant.” Karen’s
knees immediately weakened. She could
feel the warm air being sucked out of her lungs. She braced herself against the counter with
her back toward Lauren. Karen feared
turning around at what she might say knowing that her blood was beginning to
boil with rage. That moment was frozen
for what seemed like forever. Finally,
Karen was able to compose herself enough to turn around, she knew what she was
going to say, the words had been on her lips for some time, with daggers on her
tongue she was about to say, “I’ll bet you didn’t even use a condom did
you?” When she looked into her
daughter’s eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, she thought, “She’s just a
little girl.” Karen recognized herself in Lauren’s eyes, “I am this little
girl.” She said to herself, “and I’m still this little girl, still
crying.” She remembered being a teenager
and telling her parents those same words.
She remembered her father’s angry, attacking response. Karen’s heart broke on the spot; she fell on
her daughter shoulders and held her tightly as they sobbed with each other. As
they sat holding one another Karen’s heart pleaded in prayer to God; “Lord,
help me help my daughter not to make all my mistakes, help me!”
After the tears ran like
rivers, Lauren’ grip on her mother tightened, her lips touched Karen’s
ear. She whispered the fearful question
looming in her heart, “Mommy, do you hate me?”
Karen reached up and gently brought Lauren’s chin face to face with her
own, looking eye to eye, she responded, “How could I hate you?” “You are my little girl, I love you with all
my heart and nothing you could ever do could make me stop loving you!” “Don’t you know that all I ever dream of is
showing you how much I love you by making you happy?” Lauren was silent for a time, as she searched
her mother’s face for hope, as if she could borrow strength from her mother’s
expression. But then another unspoken
fear voiced itself from Lauren’s heart, “God is punishing me, isn’t he?” She helplessly acknowledged. “No!” Karen quickly answered, “That’s not how
God is!” “God doesn’t hate you either
and he would never cause bad things to happen to you to punish you.” Suddenly, Karen knew what she was saying was
true not only for Lauren but for herself as well. Karen thought, “If I love my erring child
this much, and would never punish her in a way to give her lasting harm. Then I know God’s love is even greater than
mine, and God loves me this much too!”
Karen’s
insight caused her to experience a moment of personal revelation in her
heart. She had always heard that God
loved her unconditionally, but her guilt kept her from truly believing it. Suddenly she could understand unconditional
love as she truly felt it for the first time.
She couldn’t feel it herself from God so God showed it to her through her
own love for Lauren.
Discussion Questions: