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Guidelines for Family Life Mentoring

Barna Research Group has identified in their seminar: Ministering to the Family, ten factors that are common among successful family orientated ministries; also, they document thirteen qualities of high-quality mentors. They include:

• The most fundamental aim of family life education is to strengthen families. We are not to make them dependent on the pastor or on family life programs. However, we are to provide individualized instruction for their homes on the principle that it will help them become resilient, effective, stable families.

• We are to provide clear Biblical reasons for the importance of family life education. Models based upon the Bible not culture.
• We need to help families set realistic goals and spiritual plans. They need to have long-term goals as well as short-term goals and a family mission statement.
• We need to bring together the experiences of the entire family, by treating all members equally. We are to be inclusive toward parents, grandparents or children to help bring an intergenerational unity.
• Family ministries need to reflect the personal needs of their church and individual families.
• Family ministry is best when taken up by mentors and coaches.

▪ A mentor needs to be respectful toward his protégé.

▪ A mentor needs to earn the trust of his protégé.

▪ A mentor needs to model the values he professes.

▪ Mentors need to accept other people’s different ways of doing things.

▪ Mentors expect nothing in return.

▪ A mentor knows how to seize a “teachable” moment.

▪ Mentors need to be transparent.

▪ Mentors and protégés need to have shared experiences.

▪ Mentors need to take risks.

▪ Mentors do not say much, however, they listen much.

▪ A mentor’s focus is on growth not on friendship.

▪ A mentor gives purposeful affirmation. He seldom gives compliments, but when he does, it has greater meaning. The over use of affirmation tends to make it less believable.

▪ The mentor allows the protégé to drive the process.

• We need a diversified approach to meet the needs of families.

▪ Expose new families to the ministry (show them).

▪ Involve families with established leaders (do with them).

▪ Allow families to perform tasks on their own as leader observes (they do it).

▪ Provide personal time to spend sharing and encouraging (keep them going).

• The senior pastor (leader) must be an outspoken champion of families.
• The church needs to pray with, for, and about families constantly.
• The church does not discriminate against nontraditional families. For example, single parents and couples living together.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, answer the question: What Is a Marriage Mentor?

· A mentor is not a mother or father.

· A mentor is not a friend.

· A mentor is not "on call" for every little crisis.

· A mentor is not a know-it-all.

· A mentor is not committed long-term.

Marriage Savers Inc. training and recruiting program suggests the following guidelines for mentoring.

The Need for Mentor Couples:

· Every congregation has enduring marriages

· They have untapped marital wisdom

· They can be trained to be Mentor Couples

· Mentor Couples can make marriage a priority

· The three gifts of a Mentor Couple:

§ Unconditional love

§ Lavish time

§ Their own marriage.

· Mentors supplement, but do not substitute for clergy; they are a resource to lift some of the burden of pastors and ministers.

What are Mentor Couples?

· Mentors are not:

§ Therapists, counselors, or experts

§ Ordained clergy

§ Wedding coordinators

§ Couples with a perfect marriage

· Mentors are:

§ A successfully married couple

§ Trained to serve

§ Willing to share their marital wisdom

§ Facilitators & encouragers

§ Accountable to overseeing clergy

§ Trained to know their boundaries (If they feel over their head -- they are; Domestic abuse, for example, is referred back to clergy.)

In order to assist clergy to oversee marriage mentoring relationships a mentoring report form can be downloaded from this location.