You’ve often been told that the key to true self-awareness is asking yourself the simple, reflective question, “Why?” “Why do I feel the way I do?” “Why did that hurt me so deeply?” “Why do I get so easily defensive?” The construct of self-awareness has always held my interest, so much so that it is my main focus of research this semester. While scouring Google Scholar, I came across an article entitled, “What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)” (Eurich, 2018). The author, Tasha Eurich, tackled the myth of the infamous “Why?” being an effective tool for introspection. Interestingly, in her research, Eurich found that those who self-identified as introspective were actually less self-aware and reported a negative sense of well-being. This surely does not imply the ineffectiveness of introspection; rather, it is often approached incorrectly.
So, I pose the question. Would you identify as a chronic overthinker? So toxically comfortable in your own thoughts that you send yourself into a spiral of anxiety? Well, I’m right there with you. Whether consciously or not, that simple “Why?” may just be the culprit of the insanity! Research reveals that as human beings, we simply do not have access to a lot of the thoughts, emotions, and motives we so desperately search for, and due to this unattainable quest, placed outside of our consciousness, we actually create answers that feel true, but are the complete opposite.
If asking “Why?” isn’t the key to healthy self-awareness, what is? Well, that’s exactly the answer, “What?” Eurich states that amongst the interviews she and her team analyzed, they found that productively introspective individuals asked themselves “What?” which then permitted an objective approach to their emotions.
Let’s now put this newfound insight into perspective. Say you’ve been friends with someone for a while now, yet as you reflect on the friendship, you feel a bit dissatisfied with the way things are. You sense a barrier to your vulnerability and it would appear that you are the only one prioritizing the friendship. It’s tempting to ask yourself, “Why do I feel so unappreciated?” or “Why is this friendship so lackluster?” I suggest asking a more objective and productive question. That is, “What are the current patterns of this friendship that produce feelings of unappreciation and what steps can we take to change that?”
This new approach to introspection can be especially helpful in one’s spiritual life. Perhaps the secret to unlocking a deeper connection with the Holy Spirit is in asking Him to reveal what it is that you may be doing in your personal life that translates to feelings of disconnection. Those feelings of uncertainty, fear, and low-motivation—common barriers to a deeper bond with God—what is the root of those feelings?
God urges those He loves in Jeremiah 33:3, saying: “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” God wants to bring to light those things within you that are outside of your conscious awareness. You can’t access them on your own. If you could, you would’ve done so already. I challenge you to change the angle of your prayers from “Why?” to “What?” and you may just find the answers you’ve been looking for.
Works Cited
Ashley, G. C. and Reiter-Palmon, R. (2012). "Self-Awareness and the
Evolution of Leaders: The Need for a Better Measure of Self-Awareness". Psychology Faculty Publications. 7.
Eurich, T. (2018). “What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate
It).” Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
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