Toxic positivity is a concept I recently discovered that accurately epitomizes the rising sentiment that kids these days are too emotionally fragile. This sentiment is often expressed in the phrase “you should just get over it,” frequently used in response to someone communicating various struggles with maintaining their mental well-being. There is a misconception that the challenges young people face in relation to their mental health are not worthwhile topics of concern to dwell on or discuss.
Toxic positivity, according to verywell mind, is “the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset.” Some signs of toxic positivity include experiencing guilt for being sad or angry, dismissing others’ difficult feelings, hiding painful emotions, or reciting “positive” quotes in the midst of challenging situations. Most people would agree that positivity is an essential component to general wellbeing and livelihood. It gives us hope and the motivation to keep going. The problem arises, however, when we use positivity as a means to avoid addressing the deeper, more intimate challenges we may be experiencing—especially challenges that directly correlate to negative changes in our mental health.
When we are unable to even acknowledge the fact that we are going through challenging situations and address the emotional turmoil that comes with it, we are unable to heal. That is why it is called toxic positivity. Too much of anything can become toxic if consumed in high amounts. In this case, too much forced positivity, especially when used to invalidate and hide from our problems, is detrimental and stunts the process of healing and healthy coping.
I have had several encounters with toxic positivity. I have imposed it on myself at times and I have also experienced it from others. There was a period of time recently when I was feeling really down and was not sure what to do or who to turn to. I finally decided, after trying and failing to handle it on my own, that I should talk to someone about what I was feeling. It took me a long time to gather myself and go talk to this person because I was concerned that I would be a burden and, furthermore, would not receive the consolation I needed at the time. Still, I took that difficult step and told the individual what I was experiencing. Their response was essentially telling me that it would all be okay and that I shouldn’t cry. They added that my expressed sadness was making them sad. That response did not make me feel better at all at that moment. If anything, it made me feel misunderstood and invalidated. I felt guilty for even bringing it up and embarrassed that I could not just force myself to “be okay.”
The harmful lie that we should “just get over it,” even if it comes from the most genuine and loving place, is damaging and simply not possible. We do not just get over things; it is not how we are wired to function. We either deal with challenges in healthy, therapeutic ways or we bury our painful experiences deep down where they can keep hurting us and, sometimes, hurt those around us. Toxic positivity makes us feel guilty about expressing emotions that are perfectly natural to express. Not only are they natural to express, they should be expressed and talked about. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can heal from challenging experiences or better cope with mental illness.
It is important to give ourselves grace and extend that same grace to others. Acknowledgement is the first step. Acknowledge when you are going through a hard time, experiencing any level of mental health challenge, or dealing with a mental illness. Then, let yourself feel. Do not try to conceal your emotions or speak negatively to yourself because of what you are feeling. From that acknowledgement, you can begin to address specifically what is going on and why you may be feeling the way you are feeling. Finding coping mechanisms that work specifically for you is a start. Journaling works great for me. Depending on the situation, it may also be necessary to reach out to a mental health professional that can provide the help you need.
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of Andrews University. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, Andrews University or the Seventh-day Adventist church.