We have all seen the best sellers of self-improvement books such as “Atomic Habits,” “The Four Elements,” “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” “Rich Dad Poor Dad,” and the like. Bookstores are full of books that claim they help you improve yourself and your life. Our social media feeds are frequently bombarded with reels and posts on how doing this action or buying this product will change your life forever–or so they claim. Advertisements and shows consistently promote this idea of self-growth and improvement. How many plots are there of the “ugly” main character being transformed into better, more beautiful, and more accomplished versions of themselves? Or how many ads begin with, “Do you want to improve your ?” The cause seems righteous. Does not even the Bible say that we need to be constantly growing in faith, good works, and charity? (2 Peter 1:5-8) And if we do not grow and improve ourselves, most of us will not be able to read, work, or even converse, as a stagnant existence forbids growth and development of the self. As such, there is a desire to improve ourselves and our existence. It drives our learning, focus, and objectives. Yet, there comes a time when this constant drive for self-improvement becomes counter-productive.
When we look at the main goal of self-growth, it is to become better and have a better life. The intent is to improve our lives and ourselves. But often, our first response to new material tips for enhancement is discouragement and despair. “I do not do that. I had better begin or else I am not being my best self,” is a statement that often runs through our mind when we see yet another video on new habits we should have. What may result from constant self-improvement is dissatisfaction with ourselves and our behaviors. We then try to make changes and grow, and although it helps, there are times when we are disappointed with the results and go back to the self-improvement rat race. It is important to understand that self-improvement, while it is great, should not be the ultimate goal, as it is one that we will never reach. True, it enhances our lives and our being is important, but if that is your entire life, it shall come to a point where you look around and wonder what was even the point of it all. Self-improvement is not a goal. It is a tool. We try to improve ourselves so that we can enjoy a new language, better conversations, and a more fit body and mind. It should not be the goal. It should be just the means to reach that goal. So, when self-improvement becomes the goal, we begin a race in a circle that seldom leads to much.
There was a time when I was working very hard to improve myself. I read every self-improvement book I could get my hands on. I constantly set goals to be a better Christian. I also set standards for improving my communication skills and soon felt overwhelmed and disappointed when I did not achieve them immediately. And even if I did improve, it was insignificant and had little lasting impact. After a while, I realized that this obsession with improvement was simply causing me to burn out and get frustrated. I had to stop because this cycle of self-improvement was getting me nowhere.
So, how do we avoid this disappointing cycle of yearning for constant growth? Evaluate your purpose for improvement. Why are you working out? How come you are studying? What do you wish to achieve by reading this book? Once you understand your motivation, you can attain a healthier attitude towards self-improvement and begin to use it as the tool it was meant to be, accepting that some things may never change significantly. That does not necessarily make you less of a person or even less of a productive person. You are just acknowledging the fact that this area of your life may change very gradually. The cause is good. We should all try to be better people. But why? Once you know the answer to that, you can achieve the focus and drive to improve. When I realized that the reason I wanted to improve was so that I could make myself more desirable as a friend and as a worker. I was hoping to increase my communication skills and abilities. This goal made me realize that my improvement had to be intentional and long-term. But a constant obsession with improvement may ultimately defeat the entire purpose of why you began that journey. Never lose sight of your goal. You won’t become “that girl” overnight, but remember your “why” and keep at it!
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of Andrews University. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, Andrews University or the Seventh-day Adventist church.