Everybody is weird! I thought I knew what would be covered in John Ortberg’s book, but by the end of the first page (yes, simply the first page), I was introduced to a new world where price tags, porcupines and peek-a-boo are all relatable to our daily lives. In “Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them” Ortberg intertwines humor, empathy and spirituality into one fascinating guide for relationships and community.
Ortberg’s writing is captivating and simple as it focuses on larger themes that even a little kid could understand. The humor and analogies he uses to explain the labyrinthine concepts of vulnerability, acceptance, empathy, forgiveness, confrontation and gratitude are what make it so easy to grasp. The “porcupine’s dilemma” was one of the most captivating analogies he uses to illustrate how to get close to others without getting hurt. He describes how the North American porcupine struggles to get close to another porcupine because of what he calls its “irritable back.”
“Porcupines have two methods of handling relationships: withdrawal and attack,” Ortberg says.
Nevertheless, to produce another generation of porcupines they must learn to cohabit closely. Similarly, we crave connection but like the porcupine’s quills, our fears, insecurities and defenses frequently drive people away.
This book focuses on the value of being unique but weird and imperfect at the same time. We all share common struggles, insecurities and flaws, but Ortberg aims to inspire readers to create genuine, meaningful connections. The primary goal of the book is to promote community and connection over isolation by questioning the social masks we frequently put on and embracing the “messiness” of interpersonal relationships.
This brings us to one of Ortberg’s most revolutionary concepts: forgiveness. It may seem cliché but he presents forgiveness as a continuous decision to let go of grudges and past hurts rather than just as a one-time deed. Citing Jesus’ teachings on forgiveness, Ortberg emphasizes how forgiveness is crucial for both relational healing and personal liberation. He urges readers to view forgiveness as a virtue rather than a flaw, arguing that getting rid of grudges really helps us move on and form stronger bonds with others.
I started reading this book simply because I found the title intriguing. When I saw it, I thought to myself, “Who does this writer think he is to tell me that I am flawed?” But when I read the first chapter, I thought to myself, “Wow, I am flawed. More than I thought I was.” One day I woke up and realized I had built a wall around myself, an ancient wall like those fortresses that guard a castle: a wall as solid and unbreakable as stone, with high towers standing guard against anyone who tries to get close. And, just like how in ancient times, when danger loomed, gates would be closed to shut everything out, I had built my own invisible shield to protect myself from the outside world. Unfortunately, when I feel vulnerable or afraid, the gate goes up, and nobody can get in or reach me. I tend to back up and become cold to protect myself even from my close friends. This is my “coping mechanism,” but reading this book made me realize that it is an obstacle to building meaningful relationships.
We live in a world where if we do not follow the majority, we are considered weird, but in reading “Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them”by John Ortberg,a window of fresh air is opened. Every page I flipped and every chapter I read prompted me to think deeply about my relationships and how I place great amounts of pressure and expectation on others but fail to measure myself.
In his book, Ortberg motivates readers to build community by offering a compassionate perspective on human connection. He emphasizes that we were made for community, no matter how messed up we are or how scary it may seem to open up and connect. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to make more meaningful relationships that last a lifetime because, in the end, “Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them”!
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of Andrews University. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, Andrews University or the Seventh-day Adventist church.