02 Listen and Blended study

Roger waited for Brenda to come home from work as he sat on the front porch swing. Brenda pulled into the drive way and as soon as she got out of the car; Roger could see that she had a rough day. Brenda was comforted as she saw Roger and his expression of genuine concern. Roger knew how Brenda was feeling without having to ask. Nothing had to be said verbally as they sat side by side, gently touching. Soon Roger began to stroke Brenda’s head and shoulders as he sensed that this would comfort her. Brenda began to open up and tell Roger all about the stressful events that had taken place at work. As Brenda spoke Roger made positive responses letting her know that he was hearing the details of what she was saying. Brenda appreciated very much that she could vent to Roger and he would listen patiently.

After Brenda let everything off her chest she suddenly remembered that she needed to call Keisha to let her know she couldn’t watch the grandkids tomorrow. As Brenda talked to Keisha on the phone, Roger secretly drew a warm bath with lavender bubbles for Brenda to relax in. As soon as Brenda got off the phone and began to change into something more comfortable. Roger brought out a hand full of bubbles from the bathroom, “you take a soak, and I’ll get supper ready,” Roger explained. It wasn’t hard to convince her, after kissing Roger on the cheek; she melted into the warm water and bubbles. Roger dimmed the lights and called to order some Chinese food delivered. He went outside and cut a rose from the garden put it in a vase, and began to boil some water for some tea. When Brenda came out from the bedroom and found the rose, the Chinese food, the Chamomile-mint tea, she turned and asked Roger, “So, what’s the special occasion?” Roger thought for a moment, “Well, next week is the 15^th anniversary of when you first fell for me.” Both of them laughed, remembering the same event, how Brenda tripped and fell at Rogers feet as a mutual friend introduced them at a neighbor’s barbeque. Brenda made a joke poking at herself, “I thought it was love at first sight when I looked up from the ground and saw stars dancing around your head.” “That’s a common mistake to confuse love with a concussion,” Roger agreed.

They sat on the couch cuddling, eating their Chinese out of the boxes. “I love you too,” Brenda whispered. “Huh?” Roger responded. Brenda added, “I want you to know that when you sat on the swing and listened to me, ran my bath, picked me a rose; I heard you saying I love you, so now I am telling you that I love you too.” “I also appreciated so much that you could hear me crying out how much I needed you, without me having to tell you out loud.”

Brenda and Roger spent the evening recollecting the struggles and joys over the years. However, listening to each other had not always been so easy for them. When the kids were growing up they were a constant distraction from being able to listen carefully to one another’s needs. They even tried using “talking sticks” to encourage better communication, even though the kids thought it was stupid. Brenda and Roger liked it, and it taught them good listening skills. Brenda would say, “We have two ears, and one mouth which means that we need to hear twice as much as we talk.” The “talking stick” rules encouraged more listening and less talking because only the person holding the stick could talk, and they could keep talking, without interruption as long as they were holding the stick. So Brenda stretched over to the coffee table picked up the “talking stick” held it in front of her, in silence for a few moments, looking directly into Roger’s eyes, then asked ”Did you hear what I just said?” “Roger held out his hand for the stick, and then answered, “Yes sweetheart, I love you too.”

1. Ask your spouse to tell you how well you are at hearing what they are not saying?

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		WebQuest
	Case Study on Listening in the Blended Family	WebQuest
Roger waited for Brenda to come home from work as he sat on the front porch swing. Brenda pulled into the drive way and as soon as she got out of the car; Roger could see that she had a rough day. Brenda was comforted as she saw Roger and his expression of genuine concern. Roger knew how Brenda was feeling without having to ask. Nothing had to be said verbally as they sat side by side, gently touching. Soon Roger began to stroke Brenda’s head and shoulders as he sensed that this would comfort her. Brenda began to open up and tell Roger all about the stressful events that had taken place at work. As Brenda spoke Roger made positive responses letting her know that he was hearing the details of what she was saying. Brenda appreciated very much that she could vent to Roger and he would listen patiently. After Brenda let everything off her chest she suddenly remembered that she needed to call Keisha to let her know she couldn’t watch the grandkids tomorrow. As Brenda talked to Keisha on the phone, Roger secretly drew a warm bath with lavender bubbles for Brenda to relax in. As soon as Brenda got off the phone and began to change into something more comfortable. Roger brought out a hand full of bubbles from the bathroom, “you take a soak, and I’ll get supper ready,” Roger explained. It wasn’t hard to convince her, after kissing Roger on the cheek; she melted into the warm water and bubbles. Roger dimmed the lights and called to order some Chinese food delivered. He went outside and cut a rose from the garden put it in a vase, and began to boil some water for some tea. When Brenda came out from the bedroom and found the rose, the Chinese food, the Chamomile-mint tea, she turned and asked Roger, “So, what’s the special occasion?” Roger thought for a moment, “Well, next week is the 15^th anniversary of when you first fell for me.” Both of them laughed, remembering the same event, how Brenda tripped and fell at Rogers feet as a mutual friend introduced them at a neighbor’s barbeque. Brenda made a joke poking at herself, “I thought it was love at first sight when I looked up from the ground and saw stars dancing around your head.” “That’s a common mistake to confuse love with a concussion,” Roger agreed. They sat on the couch cuddling, eating their Chinese out of the boxes. “I love you too,” Brenda whispered. “Huh?” Roger responded. Brenda added, “I want you to know that when you sat on the swing and listened to me, ran my bath, picked me a rose; I heard you saying I love you, so now I am telling you that I love you too.” “I also appreciated so much that you could hear me crying out how much I needed you, without me having to tell you out loud.” Brenda and Roger spent the evening recollecting the struggles and joys over the years. However, listening to each other had not always been so easy for them. When the kids were growing up they were a constant distraction from being able to listen carefully to one another’s needs. They even tried using “talking sticks” to encourage better communication, even though the kids thought it was stupid. Brenda and Roger liked it, and it taught them good listening skills. Brenda would say, “We have two ears, and one mouth which means that we need to hear twice as much as we talk.” The “talking stick” rules encouraged more listening and less talking because only the person holding the stick could talk, and they could keep talking, without interruption as long as they were holding the stick. So Brenda stretched over to the coffee table picked up the “talking stick” held it in front of her, in silence for a few moments, looking directly into Roger’s eyes, then asked ”Did you hear what I just said?” “Roger held out his hand for the stick, and then answered, “Yes sweetheart, I love you too.” Discussion Questions: 1. Ask your spouse to tell you how well you are at hearing what they are not saying? 2. What are some of your distractions that keep you from listening carefully? 3. What are the steps you need to make in order to hear well? 4. How do you know you are hearing what God is trying to tell you? Message Board Rules: 1. You must log on by creating a user name and password. 2. Each group should maintain the same user name to enable discussion consistency. 3. You may not use the discussion boards for sales or advertisements. 4. You may not use profanity. 5. Respect and courtesy for others is required.