Ernie was playing on the floor with his toy cars making a lot of noise as one car talked to the other car.  Lauren was sitting on the couch near Ernie showing obvious irritation at Ernie’s racket and clatter.  Forcefully nudging Ernie with her big toe to get his attention she demanded “Why can’t you play quietly, your driving me crazy.”  So Ernie climbed up on the couch and started bouncing around and bumping into Lauren.  “Cut it out pest.” She insisted. “Go look at a book or something.”  Ernie ran to his toy box and snatched up his favorite book, running back to Lauren with it he squealed, “Read bear book, Read bear book!”  Lauren rolled her eyes, “Not again, just look at the pictures, I don’t want to read right now.”  Ernie looked disappointed, he dropped his book and returned to his cars as they began beeping and talking to one another again, Lauren started yelling.  “You stupid little brat, I told you to stop doing that!” 

              The yelling brought Karen out from the kitchen where she was preparing supper.  “What are you yelling about” she wanted to know.  “Ernie’s being a pest.” Lauren snapped.  Karen looked down at Ernie on the floor, “He’s playing nicely with his car, how’s that being a pest?”  Karen pointed out.  “He just is.” Lauren maintained with a sassy attitude.  Normally Karen would have caved to Lauren and encouraged Ernie to help mommy in the kitchen or something like that.  But Karen was simply fed up with Lauren’s nasty mood.  “Why can’t you cut it out, sometimes I wonder who is the bigger baby you or Ernie.” Karen huffed as she started back into the kitchen.  Then Lauren proclaimed, “Sure take his side, you might as well be against me too, like everyone else is.”  Karen didn’t have time to debate with Lauren, she had soup on the stove and she was sure it was about to burn.  But before she went back in the kitchen she had to get in the last word, so she turned around and stated. “Life is what you make it.  You seem intent to make your life as miserable as you can by being miserable.  But happy people know that regardless of what happened yesterday, last month, or a year ago doesn’t matter.  What might happen later today, tomorrow or next year is not important.  Now is the only place where happiness can actually be found and you are in total control of your own happiness at this moment.”

              Conversation was minimal for most of supper and then Lauren finally spoke up she said, “I’m sorry mom, but all I seem to ever do is watch Ernie every day. I need a break, some time to myself.”  “Well, maybe tomorrow you can make supper and I can watch Ernie.”  “That’s not what I mean.” she huffed, “See this is exactly what I’m talking about, you don’t listen to me.  I don’t have a life of my own.  My life is nothing more than an extension of your life.”  “Obviously, you had plenty of time to get pregnant, that doesn’t sound to me like I control every minute of your life.”  Karen piped back.  “See, you don’t listen to me.  I’m just saying that a person needs to just sit still and do absolutely nothing sometimes.” Lauren sobbed back at her mother.  “Okay Lauren, what do you want from me?” Karen questioned.  “Lauren thought for a moment then explained, “I want you to give me time to have equal say about what goes on around here like having a weekly a family meeting or something.”   Karen groaned “I don’t have time for that.  I just need you to do what I tell you to do.”  But then she thought again, “Well, if it can change your attitude about everything, maybe it would be worth it.”  She went on to think to herself, “I need to demonstrate spending time as a family to the kids with them so that they can learn this kind of behavior otherwise they will grow up being too busy for their kids like I have been for them.” 

              So Karen agreed to set a time once a week, on Saturday night, for a family meeting.  They agreed that the family meeting would be a non-defensive environment where everyone would be given the right to speak and be heard.  A time when everyone listens without interrupting, criticizing, attacking or cutting someone off before their turn.  They agreed that this would be a time for sharing what was working and not working.  When they could speak openly about what was bothering them and offer solutions.  Even give one another encouragement and support about what is working right.

              On Saturday night, they had their first Collings family counsel.  Karen was surprised at all the positive suggestions Lauren had to offer.  But most importantly because they took the time to share and listen to one another they actually learned new things about each other that they did not know before.

Discussion Questions:

1.  Ask your spouse to tell you how well you are demonstrating spending time with your family.

2.  How important is it to have time to sit still and do absolutely nothing?

3.  How often do you regret time not spent in the past or postpone time to the future rather than take advantage of the moment?

4.  What are the steps you need to take in order to be able to better take advantage of the now rather than later?

5.  How well do you spend time with God?  Do you learn new things about Him with each new experience?

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